Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 30, 29 & 28 - Molly

Day 30:

I am grateful and thankful that December is upon us and the year is coming to a close.
2012 was not what I thought it would be.
Though there are MANY things to be grateful and thankful for,
I cannot help but think that I could have been delivering a baby girl in a few weeks.
I am still not pregnant.

But there is something to look forward to in December.

My wonderful husband has decided to take me somewhere on our "due date".
He wants us to "do" something different, something fun.

So he's taking me to New York City.

We have plans to see "Elf" on Broadway, the Rockettes at Radio City, eat steaks at Peter Luger's, Italian at Eataly, hot chocolate at Serendipity, shopping on Madison and 5th Ave and....

CrossFit at CrossFit Gotham, Hell's Kitchen and 5th Ave (or Black Box).

We are so excited.

New York City in December, right before Christmas.

It's going to be perfect.

And it feels nice to have something to look forward to.

Any recommendations for places to eat, shop or see.....we would love them!

Day 29:

I am grateful and thankful for chapstick.
Colorado winters are very dry and my lips and skin pay the price.
So I invest in chapstick.
I have a few in my purse, one in my pocket and back-ups all over the house.
Jason and I cannot leave home without it.

Day 28:

Ever have a song that just made you work harder? Run faster? Lift heavier? Pedal faster? Make you cry? Smile? Or just make you feel better? Or when you can almost visualize the music video or movie montage with you in it?

The past few months I have had two songs that just have resonated with me. The beat, lyrics, everything - are just what I need to hear. Both songs make me think, bring tears to my eye, but also make me push myself to move forward, stay positive and see the bright side (even when it's hard not to).

Physical fitness always needs good music. Pandora is an amazing little app.

So today I am grateful and thankful for the power of music, especially these two songs.

Song #1: Ingrid Michelson - Keep Breathing

I listened to this song right after I lost Grace. When I was at my low point. This song reminded me that I had something to be grateful for. I was still breathing, and that was I had to to. I didn't have to worry about anything else at the moment, just to breathe in and out and I would be okay. This song still brings tears to my eyes, but it also helps me slow down, breathe and remember that I have something to be grateful and thankful for.

The storm is coming but I don't mind People are dying, I close my blinds All that I know is I'm breathing now
All I can do is keep breathing  

All we can do is keep breathing now 
Now, now, now
I want to change the world, instead I sleep  
I want to believe in more than you and me
But all that I know is I'm breathing  

All that I know is I'm breathing 

All I can do is keep breathing All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing  

All we can do is keep breathing  
All we can do is keep breathing  
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing 

All we can do is keep breathing   
All we can do is keep breathing  
All we can do is keep breathing now

Song #2: Shake It Out - Florence + the Machine

This is my favorite song to end my spin classes with right now. I just recently started to really listen. And this song empowers me. I feel that each day I have to wake up and shake it off. Shake off all of the hurt, pain, failures, mistakes, missed opportunities, bad feelings, frustrations, sadness, tears - all of it. I have to shake it off. I have to leave it all behind and move forward, start new. One of my favorite lines is "it's always darkest before the dawn". I am waiting for my dawn, my light, my time. And I will not drag all of this "stuff" around anymore. It will not define me. It will not encompass me. It does not own me. I will overcome it, somehow. I am tired of dragging it all around. My other favorite line is "so tonight I'm going to cut it all and then restart". My restart starts now. My last favorite line(s), "And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't, so here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road, and I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope.." 

I am ready. Ready for it all.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 26 & 27 - Molly

Yesterday (Monday) was wicked cold. It looked like it could snow, then it sort of did snow, then we had a bit of rain. All in all, it was just nasty out. But the cold weather made me very grateful for a little invention (thanks to Lululemon) called "thumbholes".

I am grateful that Lululemon puts these thumbholes in all of their tops, not just the yoga stuff. I am thankful that my husband loves Lulu as much as I do, so he is more than happy to spend on it, because it is not cheap.

Who would have thought such a small little thing would be so incredibly nice during cold weather. And they are quite fashionable!

Day 27:

The day isn't over with, but I am already grateful and thankful for so many things.

Most of all I am grateful and thankful for our insurance today, which I guess makes me grateful and thankful for the wonderful company my husband works for.

Today we met with Dr. Schoolcraft at CCRM.
It was hard pulling into the parking lot this morning, especially knowing I could have been 3 weeks away from having a baby.
But with all of those emotions aside, we finally decided our next steps.

We will be doing IVF again.
We are starting the work-up in the next few weeks with a hopeful transfer date in mid-January.

This decision came with a lot of peace, despite the fears and the tears.
We will be accompanying this transfer with the use of blood thinners with the hope that that is the "special sauce" (as Dr. Schoolcraft called it) to allow me to carry a baby full-term.

Jason and I have called this move a "win-win".
Either we will be successful and our end result will be one or maybe two babies.
Or we will know, for sure, what our next steps will be (gestational carrier, adoption or we end it all).

Either way, we will know. 100% sure. And that will be such a relief.

How is Jason feeling?
He is fearful, but only for my benefit.
He worries about my health, my safety, my emotional state.
But he too, feels at peace with this decision.
We have already been through the worst of things and we know we can get through it.

How am I feeling?
As much as I would love to have someone else carry for me, there is still no guarantee. And I cannot place that sort of pressure/expectation on anyone else right now.
I have to try.
I have to know.
I know what it feels to lose a baby.
I know how to deal with it.
And I would love to know what it's like to carry a baby, deliver a baby, be a mother.
All of those feelings outweigh my fears.

I have to try.

So we are taking it one day at a time.
My work-up will start within the next week or so.

And thanks to insurance, our costs are minimal.

And for that, I am so, so, so very grateful and thankful.

Here we go again.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 25 - Molly

Today I am extra grateful and thankful that this little girl knows how to listen and obey.

We had a little bit of a scare this morning at the park.

I got up a little extra early to get her out before church for about 45 min. Lucky for us the park is only about 5 minutes away.

It was a typical trip to the park. Nothing special. We were the only ones there.


Except for the two coyotes that were circling the grounds - that I failed to see.

I got out of the car, opened up the back to let Penny out (just like I always do), but this time she took off running.

I thought she was going after squirrels (they are her new obsession).

When I turned and looked, I saw that she was on the move towards TWO coyotes. TWO! And they were much bigger than her.

I yelled her name. I quickly followed it with a "MA'AM!"

And she stopped.

My good girl stopped. Hackles were up, she was growling.

She was trying to protect me, I could feel it.

Then the coyotes scampered off. (Only to continue to watch us from on top of the ridge -freaky!)

It was quite a morning. And I never want to have another one like it. It could have had a much different outcome.

So today I am grateful and thankful for Penny's obedience.

And we won't be making any more "early" park trips. At least not alone.

Next time I'm packing my pepper spray.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 24 - Molly

I came across this quote on Pinterest (love Pinterest) and it made me think - a lot.

It also made me extremely grateful and thankful for my experiences.
All of them
Every single one.

Because they are MY experiences.

Have they been brutal?

Have they taught me something?

Have I learned?
Definitely, yes.

From my experiences I have learned to be more humble, compassionate and forgiving.
I have learned to be more grateful, thankful and optimistic.
They have taught me hope, love and happiness.
They have allowed me to see beautiful sunsets, step in warm oceans, climb tall mountains, visit ancient ruins and soak in the cultures of the world.

Because of them and despite of them, I have been able to see the silver linings, even when they seem small and irrelevant.
They are there though.
Drying up my tears, helping me smile and pushing me towards another day.

Even though the bad experiences seem to outweigh the good ones, the good ones definitely outnumber the bad.

And I consider myself lucky and blessed.

Because they are mine.

And they make me, Me.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 23 - Molly

Black Friday.
 I have never taken part of Black Friday.
Unless you count online.

Today Jason and I had our own version - we call it "White Friday".
(thank you Jane Bennion for coining the term)

We spent our day at the Denver Temple.

It was a very peaceful, pleasant, non-rushing way to spend the afternoon.
And I think this shall be our new tradition for Black Friday.

So I am grateful and thankful for the peace and comfort attending the temple brings to me (us).
I am so very pleased that we can attend the temple together, as an eternal couple.
I feel so blessed to have the gospel in our lives, our marriage and our relationship.

 And I know because of the promises that our Heavenly Father has made to us and the covenants we have made with him that we will one day be with our babies again.
To raise them, know them and love them.

We are an eternal family.

 And to be honest, I am also really grateful and thankful for my bed.
My hips were killing me after 10 miles yesterday.
Love my tempurpedic top.

Grateful and Thankful Day 22 - Molly

There is a lot to be grateful and thankful today.
And I had a lot of time to think of all the things that I have been blessed with.

In fact, I had 10 miles to think of it all.

10 miles to remember that I have been given so much.
10 miles to feel happy and blessed.
10 miles to feel the love and peace that my Heavenly Father has given me.
10 miles to focus on what was truly important.
And 10 miles to figure out what to do next.

This was our Thanksgiving WOD (workout of the day):

 Yep, 10 miles.
150 burpee pull-ups.
It was awesome.

But some of my most favorite moments of the day were,

1) running majority of my miles next to Jason, and as we ran we listed all the things we were grateful and thankful for - pretty neat way to make the miles go by faster.

2) Everyone of these people below cheered each other on. On every mile, multiple times, people were giving words of encouragement, high fives and even stopping to check in to see if you were doing all right. 

I was a recipient and a giver of both.

And it felt great.

This is the type of environment I get to workout in everyday.
These are the type of people that are in my community at CrossFit Verve.

So today, I am grateful and thankful for CrossFit Verve.

Not only do they kick my can each and every day, but they help me remember how truly blessed I have been.

They help me remember that I am strong and that I can and will survive what ever life dishes out at me.

They help me focus on how to better myself and be greater than myself.

And they give me opportunities to provide those things to other people.

I am not only greater than myself, but I am part of something larger than myself.

Jason and I are still making decisions on what to do and when.

But I know, because of how I have been prepared and trained, that I will get through it - regardless of the outcome. 

And I will be a stronger and better person because of it.

Thank you CrossFit Verve for giving me that.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 21 - Molly

This was today's WOD (workout of the day).

Best part?

Jason and I were on the same team.

We've gone to WODs together before, but we have never gotten to "workout" together. 
So I requested it special today. ;)

It took us almost 30 minutes to complete it.

But we loved every minute of it.

So today I am grateful and thankful for a husband that likes to workout.
And not only workout, but workout with me.

Jason also does yoga with me.
It's a lot of fun having him next to me on the mat.
It's how we spend our date nights sometimes.

Working out together has really strengthened our relationship (that's sort of like a little pun!).
And the constant pushing, supporting and positive feedback has really benefited our marriage and for that, I am very grateful and thankful.

Here's to our WOD tomorrow - 10 miles + 150 burpee pull-ups.

And I look forward to sweating through it right next to my man.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Grateful and Thankful 19 & 20 - Molly

I figured I better lump some of these up, especially if I want to print this out one day. Need to condense it some. Anyways, I have a few things to be grateful and thankful for considering yesterday and today.

November 19th:

I am grateful and thankful that my mother taught me how to clean a house well. I was blessed with a bit of OCD and anal retentiveness on how my house it cleaned/organized. It also helps that I am married to an Asian (ok, only 1/2 Asian) man. He keeps me on my toes.
But I owe my ability and desire for a clean house to my mother. We definitely had our fair share of chores growing up. And thanks to my mom, I can't and won't leave the house without making my bed, even when it's a 6am workout.

November 20th:

Again, this one goes out to my mother. Not only did she teach me how to keep house, but she also taught me some very handy kitchen skills. I am no Bobby Flay, but I have an ability and a desire to cook for my family. I like to cook, bake, grill and experiment. The nights Jason is out of town, it can get a little interesting, but I make it work. I also love that Jason can fly in, come home and have dinner on the table (I think he likes it too). 

So yesterday and today made me extremely grateful and thankful for my mother. 
She taught me well.

And I hope one day I get to do the same.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 17 & 18 - Molly

I got lucky that Day 17 and 18 fell on the weekend because I am grateful and thankful for my weekends.

One of the best parts about working "very part-time" is that I have the ability to do the weekend chores during the work week.

Whether it's cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping or running tiresome errands, I can get them all done before Saturday. 

Therefore, when Saturday comes - we can truly spend it how we want. 

We can workout, go out, sleep, shop, play with Penny, get together with friends 
or even DO NOTHING.
It is completely up to us.
Sundays have always been a favorite day.
Church is a great way to wrap up one week and start another one.
Sundays are also times to gather with family, friends and share good food.
It is a day for a glorious afternoon nap or walk outside.
Again, it is a day we can just relax.
I have been very blessed to have the schedule I do because Jason works so hard at his job.
I try my best to take care of things at home so that our weekends are truly that...
So today (and yesterday) I am grateful and thankful for the weekends.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 16 - Molly

Today I am grateful and thankful for modern technology.

As much as I get annoyed by the Internet and its many services.

I am so grateful for what it allows me to do.

And lately, I am have felt particularly thankful for things like Facebook, Instragram, Pinerest, blogs, text messages and even all the crazy emails I get.

I love that I can be a part of my family and friends lives while so far away.

I love that I can see their children's faces.
Be a part of their special events.
Hear their exciting news/announcements.
Share in their trials and anguish.
And know what is going on when it is going on.

I love that I can be inspired by quotes, crafts, decor and fashion.
I love that cooking dinner got a little bit more interesting and fun.

I love the quickness of being able to converse or respond.
Hear/read their feelings and thoughts.
Be a part of their adventures and get led on new ones of my own.

Status updates can get lengthy, information can be overshared...
but being a constant part of so many people's lives amazes me.

I have been able to reconnect with people from my past.
I have maintained relationships.
I have created so many new friendships.

All because of this new technology.

If you sit still and just think about what has changed in the past few years, it is a bit mind blowing.

Yes, it's excessive...yes, we are a bit obsessive, 
and yes, we all could step back a bit and reexamine the amount of time we spend using these devices, 
but in the end, they have changed our lives forever.

So today, I am grateful and thankful these elements of modern technology, 
because without them,
I would miss out on so much.

***so to all my friends, keep posting, taking pictures, blogging etc...I love being a part of your lives. I love seeing the joy and sorrow in each day of your everydays. I love when it makes me laugh out loud, and even when it makes me cry. 
 And I love that it makes me miss you everyday.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 15 - Molly

It's late. 
I am tired.
I am cold.
I am sweaty.
That's not a good combo.

My throat is scratchy and a little sore.
My body aches.

I need to go to sleep.

So today, as simple and maybe superficial as it sounds,
I am grateful and thankful for heated seats in my car and heated floors in my bathroom.

I love a toasty bum. 
Even in the summer.

And waking up every chilly morning (ps, we sleep with the heat off because Penny keeps us so toasty under the covers) to heated floors is A. MAZE. ING.

Seriously. I sometimes lay down on them.

The mornings are colder and the nights are chilly and crisp.
The UGGS are on and it might be time for some gloves.

I love and I hate this time of year.

But today, I am grateful and thankful for the few things that we can heat up.

Next car, I want a heated steering wheel. 


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 14 - Molly

Today I am grateful and thankful for Primary Songs. Growing up LDS (Mormon), we were always singing amazing primary songs. I love hearing the Primary children sing. It always brings a small tear to my eyes (sometimes more).

Today I made use of about every Primary song in the book. I was able to sing to a sweet, small boy named Sam while his mother caught up on some much needed sleep and a little bit of lunch.

His favorite? "Give Said the Little Stream".

It is one of my favorites too.

"Give," said the little stream, "Give," oh, give, give, oh, give, Give," said the little stream, As it hurried down the hill; "I'm small, I know, but wherever I go,The fields grow greener still."

Singing, singing all the day, "Give away, oh, give away," Singing, singing all the day, "Give, oh, give away."

"Give," said the little rain, "Give, oh, give, give, oh, give, Give," said the little rain, As it fell upon the flowers. "I'll raise their drooping heads again," As it fell upon the flowers.

Singing, singing all the day, "Give away, oh, give away," Singing, singing all the day, "Give, oh, give away." 

"Give," then, what you can give, "Give, oh, give, give, oh, give, Give," then, what you can give, There is something all can give. Do as the streams and blossoms do, And for other people live.

Singing, singing all the day, "Give away, oh, give away," Singing, singing all the day, "Give, oh, give away."
I enjoyed my few hours with Sam. He is such a sweet boy. 

I am so glad his mama got some much needed rest. But most of all, I am glad that they called me to come help. I am glad I got to give them something, because they always give so much of themselves.
I am so grateful and thankful that I had an arsenal of songs in my back pocket. I needed it today. 
And I am so grateful and thankful for the wonderful Primary program that children of our faith get to be a part of. It is truly a magnificent place to learn about how much our Heavenly Father and Savior love us.

I look forward to singing these songs to my own kids on day. Until then, I am happy to sing them to everyone elses.
If we could always be like that little stream, think of the difference it would make.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 13 - Molly

Today I am grateful and thankful for my little family.

We may be small, but we are mighty.

There is a lot of love in this house.

And if this is all I have for the rest of my life...I will consider myself extremely blessed.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 12 - Molly

I received an email today from a distant friend.
She has been following the blog and reached to me regarding her own struggles.

She reminded me of something I said before I got married. 

She reminded me of my "bubble of hope". 

My bubble of hope was how I described the waiting that I endured before marrying Jason. I was 28, single (a Mormon let me remind you) and I felt that time was slowly slipping away. I felt that I would never get married, never have children, never have the life I had always envisioned for myself.

So I held on to my "bubble of hope".
And I started living my life as if Jason would never be a part of it.
I tried to build a life for myself that would and could be enough.

I guess I am still holding on to my "bubble of hope" now.

The difference now, is that I do have Jason. 
He is enough.
We are enough.
 This life could be enough.

Waiting for marriage or waiting for a family - the ache is the same.
The loneliness is the same.
The feeling of being left behind is the same.

And the survival method is the same.

You build a life for yourself that could be enough.
You surround yourself my people, work, service that would be enough.
You start living your life AS IF it is not going to happen.

Because it will happen. 
In this life or the next.
And everything can turn on a dime.
Things can change...
and when they do...
it can happen fast.

I know I will have children.
I know my wonderful, single friends will have eternal companions.

I wish I could give them their righteous desire now, on this earth.
And I know they wish they same for me.

But you cannot let go of your "bubble of hope". 
You have to hold on to it with soft hands and a warm heart.

 So today I am grateful and thankful for our "bubbles of hope".
We all have one (maybe more).

I also am grateful an thankful for the example of all of my amazing, single girlfriends.
Our battles may be different they are still difficult.

You are wonderful examples to me.
Examples of faith, strength, compassion and hope.

Don't give up.
Don't let go of your "bubble of hope".

And thank you to my distant friend for reminding me of my "bubble".

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 11 - Molly

Today some fabulous ladies all gathered together for Haylee's Baby Shower.
Yes, our sweet Haylee is in the final few months of her pregnancy and the ninja is doing quite well.

It's amazing to believe that he's almost here. 
Time has flown.
She's at 32 weeks.
(I would have been 36.)

She's glowing. If you don't already know what's going on with her, you can check her out on her family blog.

I won't lie and say that I wasn't hesitant in attending.
Haylee knows me well enough to respect that yes, it might be a difficult event to attend.
But she also knows me well enough to know that my feelings for her (and the ninja) are greater.

Once again, I was worried about being "that girl".
I was worried that everyone would be worried about me or unsure of how to act/react around me.

I was greeted with much of the opposite.

The moment I walked into the party, I felt nothing but love, support and understanding.
I felt safe.

People were kind.
And mostly just happy to see me.

And that made me happy.
That lifted the weight off my shoulders.
That allowed me to enjoy her baby shower (and baby showers haven't always been something I have enjoyed.)

I met some wonderful people.
I reconnected with some wonderful people.

I celebrated one of my favorite people.

So today, I am grateful and thankful for something relatively small, sort of simple.

I am grateful and thankful that I didn't cry.
That I didn't have hard feelings.
That my heart wasn't heavy.
That I was truly happy and excited for my friend.
And that I was able to show her that.

Happy Baby Shower Haylee and Ninja-boy!
I am grateful and thankful for you!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 10 - Molly

This one just makes sense.

Today, I am grateful and thankful for this blog.

It has become such a great outlet for me.
It has helped me process not only the events of the past year (can't believe it has almost been a year), but also has allowed me to sift through all of the thought and emotions that swirl around inside of me.

I feel explained.
I feel understood.
I feel supported.
I feel connected to so many of you (readers) out there.

But most of all, this blog has allowed me to give a voice to issues and matters that sometimes get hushed, silenced or swept under the rug.

Infertility and miscarriage is something that strikes a personal cord in whoever is experiencing it.
It feels like such a personal attack on who you are, who you want to be and who you will become.
We were made to do these things.
We were put on this earth - to procreate.
To mother,
To care and sacrifice for...
something greater than ourselves.

It is the most selfless act - parenthood, especially motherhood. And it does not get the credit it truly deserves.

So when achieving that goal gets halted, or even isn't allowed - it hurts.
 It stings. 
It damages you.

You forget who you are.
You forget why you are here.
You just feel lost.

You feel left behind.
You feel unworthy.
You feel as if you are being punished.
It's a lonely, dark place.

So today, I am grateful for this blog.

Not only has it allowed me to expose and debunk the myths of infertility and miscarriage, but it has helped me connect with something greater than myself. It has provided me with the light I needed to understand my trials.

I have also met so many wonderful people along this journey.
I am so grateful for their stories of struggle and strife.
I am so thankful for their strength and faith.
I have been so blessed to feel their love and support.

And I am so glad that I have been able to be there for them as well. Without this blog, I wouldn't have been able to cheer them on or provide comfort in a time of need.

Some have claimed that this blog is "stupid" or a bit "self serving".
That I am only "fishing for comments" or looking for sympathy.

You betcha I am.

I don't want to pretend to always be happy or that things are always perfect or even okay.

I want people to know the good, bad and ugly side of not only my life, of a 34 year old woman who can't get pregnant. (I am not the only one out there.)

So take me for who I am. Take this blog for what it is - take it or leave it. 

But for me...this blog has saved my life. 
The readers, comments (and the process of writing) has given me hope, faith, strength, comfort, compassion, humility, reality checks - I could go on.
So today, I am grateful and thankful for this blog.
And hopefully one day, I can change the title.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 9 - Molly

Believe it or not, it is sort of difficult to nail down one thing to be grateful and thankful for each day.

I am aware that that sounds totally snobbish. Of course there are MANY things I am grateful and thankful for - each and everyday.

But it is difficult to put one thing up on a pedestal each and every day - without getting too trivial and/or corny.

I had a good day. Busy, but good. Lots of errands, lots of driving. But I cannot complain. I have a lifestyle that allows for me to accomplish a lot of things during the week, leaving my weekends completely open to whatever I (or we) want to do.

We enjoy that. Believe me, we do.

So today, Day 9, I am grateful and thankful for the time that I have been given.

I can sleep in.
I can choose when I want to workout.
I can do multiple workouts (if I want).
I can get groceries on a Tuesday at 11am.
I can go to Costco and have no lines.
I can lay on the couch and watch Grey's Anatomy reruns in the middle of the day in the middle of the week (this happens not as much as I would like).
I can clean the house at 10pm, knowing I could sleep in if I wanted too.
I can get a pedicure at a moment's notice.
I can take Penny for long, leisurely walks in the sunshine (everyday of the week).
I can make my own work hours.
I can take off with Jason whenever I/we want.
I can read a book in silence.
I can hit the snooze button over and over.

The list can go on...and on.

As much as I would love to have any one of my babies here on this earth with me, I am grateful and thankful for the time I have been given - for the time WE have been given.

Our marriage is stronger than ever. We have grown together, not a part. We have learned to truly work as a team, a unit and we have been able to discover not only a sheer devoted love for each other, but a deep friendship. We have seen many wonderful places in the world and we have created many memories that I will always cherish. We have been through hell and back - many times - and yet, we keep pressing forward, with faith - together, united as one.

A baby wouldn't have changed how Jason and I feel about each other...but it would have been different.
We would have been different.

And I love who we are - especially who we are together.

The rest will come.

And when it does - it will be spectacular.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 8 - Molly

Today I am grateful and thankful for the students that come to my classes.

 I am lucky enough to have a lot of regulars, and I love it when new people come into the classroom. I love to see them discover something about themselves. I love to see them smile and enjoy themselves. I love to see them change and grow as yoga practitioners. I love to see them get stronger and more confident in who they are and what they are capable of doing.

More than anything though, I love how much compassion they have - for me. 

I am extremely grateful and thankful for the energy they give each and every class. 
For the sacrifices they make to be there.
For the constant support they have shown me in and out of the classroom.

Many read or have read this blog.
Many comment or even send personal emails.
Many always ask how I am doing.
Many always say that they are so happy to see me.
Many keep coming back.

It is extremely gratifying to give to them each and every class.
They completely accept who I am and what I am trying to accomplish and have been constant cheerleaders.

They have sweated with me.
They have cheered.
They have moaned and groaned (but still gave it all they had).
And they have shared many tears with me.

I am very grateful and thankful for my students.
They are not just my students...

they are my friends.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 7 - Molly

Today I am grateful and thankful for sweat.

Drippy, salty, sweet, warm sweat.

The kind of sweat that turns your face red and burns slightly.

The kind of sweat that makes you ache for a towel to wipe it every second of the workout.

I have learned to crave that kind of sweat.
It's addicting.
It's incredibly gratifying.

That kind of sweat can relieve so much stress.
The kind of sweat that makes you feel strong and powerful, not fearful.
The kind of sweat that can only bring happiness and a smile to my face.
It lifts so much off of my shoulders each and every day.
It clears my mind.
It keeps me positive.
It keeps me moving forward.
And it keeps me sane. 
So much swirls around in my head every day, if I didn't have my workouts I would be a basket case. 

I am very lucky to have a husband who works hard to provide us.
A husband that allows me to devote my entire day/week to fitness.

It's a nice way to spend my day, even if it means a few showers a day and lots of extra loads of laundry.

So today, and well everyday for that matter, I am grateful and thankful for sweat.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 6 - Molly

Today I am grateful and thankful for the chance to vote.

I am glad that I can have a sign in my yard and not have anyone tear it out.

I am happy that, even in a purple state, my red colors can shine through.

I am grateful and thankful that I voted for a candidate that believes that there is someone out there greater than himself. A candidate that knows there is more to life than this mortal life. A candidate that truly knows how to serve the people, all people.

Today, I am grateful and thankful that I can have my own opinion. And I am happy that I can be respectful of other people's opinions.

I know that whatever the outcome, Heavenly Father will bless us as a nation, as brothers and sisters and will keep us safe under the leadership that He intends for us.

One nation under God.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 5 - Molly

Day 5 on my Grateful and Thankful Tour, and this one is an easy one for me. Today is Jason's birthday. Unfortunately, Jason is on the road pretty much all week, so celebrating the said birthday will have to wait.

So today, not only because it is his birthday, but because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me - I am grateful and thankful for my husband, Jason.

He is my best friend.
My soul mate.
My confidant.
My travel buddy.
My adventure seeker.
My fashion stylist.
My provider.
My in-home nurse.
My biggest fan.
My shoulder to cry on.
My blog editor.
My glass half full.
My teammate.

The love of my life.

I feel so blessed that I fell in love with someone who is not only my best friend, but also lights up every inch of me. 

He makes my heart flutter.
He makes my eyes sparkle.
He makes me glow.
He makes me smile.
He makes me laugh.
He wipes away my tears
and sometimes he joins me.

He holds me tight.
And tells me I am beautiful.
He cheers me on and pushes me to new limits.
He lifts me up when I am down.
He reads this blog and supports me sharing all of the details.
He gives me space when I need it.
And he tells me everyday that he loves me.

We have endured a lot together. 
And every time he reminds me that...
"we are in this together."

So today, and especially today, I am grateful and thankful for my incredible, handsome, loving and hard working husband.

There is no one I would rather be "in this" with.

Happy Birthday Jason!

I love you.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 4 - Molly

Keeping it simple today, simple and sweet. 

Today I am grateful and thankful for sweet puppy kisses.

For puppy breath and puppy swagger.

And for sharp little teeth and wrinkly skin.

First let me preface by saying how my day started out.

I woke up like this...or should I say, to this...

Penny likes to snuggle
Penny snuggled in tight, not at all ready to wake up.

My day only got better after that.

My dear friends Erica and Spencer added a new member to their family on Friday.
Sweet Cora came home.

I got to spend my afternoon inhaling all of her sweetness.
Her puppiness.
Her absolute perfectness.

look at those ears! those wrinkles!

she smells so good!

what a face!
I got my fix.

But puppies are like crack...I am going to need another "hit" soon.
Good thing I have lots of friends getting puppies.

So today, I am grateful and thankful for the simple and sweet love (kisses, snuggles and breath) from a puppy.
 It makes any day better, without a doubt.

My puppy is almost 3 years old.
And I love her kisses (get them every morning), her snuggles (get them every night) and yes, I still love the smell of her breath.
She is my girl.

my penny love

  ***(thank you Erica and Spencer for letting me love on Cora!)

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 3 - Molly

Today I am grateful and thankful for the beautiful Fall weather we have been having here in Colorado. 

When we first moved to Colorado, I expected a harsher climate. 
I expected bitter cold and deep snow.
Yes, it's dry and the air is a bit thin. 
And yes, we always get a snow before Halloween (lucky for us we were out of town for it this year).


it's so incredibly beautiful here. 

It's November and this is the weather forecast.

Weather for Denver, CO

41°F | °C
Mostly SunnyMostly SunnyMostly SunnyClear
Partly Cloudy

Wind: SW at 5 mph

Humidity: 70%64°36°64°36°66°39°64°43°

It's cool enough for a jacket, but today I wore flip flops.
I worked in the yard in a tank top.
I still need sunglasses most of the day.
And I actually have maintained a bit of color (nothing compared to my former CA self though).

The Fall colors are amazing - still.
The sky is always blue here.
The sun is always present, even behind the clouds.
You can really feel the change of season.

Good weather means lots of time outside.
And Penny and I love our outdoor time. 

She is the perfect companion.
And this weather really compliments her.
If it's too hot, she seeks shade.
If it's too cold, she rather curl up under a blanket (I love these days too!).

So today, because I was able to winterize my yard in a tank top, take Penny on a hike in flip flops, wear sunglasses and pick up a bit of a tan...

I am grateful and thankful for the gorgeous weather we have here in Colorado.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 2 - Molly

Today, November 2nd, I am grateful for friends and friendships.

I am thankful for old relationships and new ones, distant and close ones.

I am very blessed to be surrounded by a very strong, very positive and supportive community.

But it must be very hard to be my friend.
 I know I don't make it easy. 
I know it can be difficult to navigate my moods or feelings (on any given day). 
And I know that I have put more distance between us and even lost some friendships.

But I realize that some friends/friendships have a given place, time and purpose. 
But I do hope that somehow, someday I can repair these friendships. 
Because I truly do miss those friends.

So today...

Today I became a bit more aware of how blessed I am to have what I have.

Today I received a phone call from an old friend. 

We have played phone tag for the past 6 months. And before that we had about a 5 year gap in our relationship. But even with the distant, when we talk, it's like we speak everyday.

Today, my friend informed me that she was pregnant. 
Not newly pregnant either, 21 weeks.

She respectfully let me know that she was unsure of how to tell me. That she knew it would be hard for me to hear, even though she also knew that I would be happy for her.

My friend knows me well. 
And I am grateful for her tender heart.
But it makes me sad.

I don't want to put "people on thin ice".
I don't want to be "that friend".

But at the same time, it is hard to hear.
It's hard to be happy and not sad.
It is
to feel left behind.

But I am glad we finally connected.
Glad we got to speak and that she shared her news with me.

So today, I am grateful and thankful for friends - new and old, distant and close.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Grateful, Thankful November - Molly

A good friend reminded me that November is about being grateful, thankful for all the things (good and bad) in our lives right now.

I am lucky to have such a friend.

So for the month of November, I am going to try begin each day with a grateful heart. 

Each day I am going to find ONE thing to smile about, to sing praises about and to remember that I am blessed.

So today, November 1st, I am grateful for the fact that there is always something to be grateful and thankful for.

No matter how down I can get, frustrated I may be or unsure of the path that is ahead...


And I will discover and remember something each and every day.

What are you grateful and thankful for today?