Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Boo - Molly


Sorry I am not more enthusiastic.

My period was 4 days late. 

4 days! 

I am always a few days early, so I let myself get a little excited.
A little hopeful.
And more excited.


It hit me on the airplane. 
No warnings.

It woke me up.

At least I didn't waste money on a pregnancy test.
That would have deflated me.

So Happy Halloween!


Friday, October 26, 2012

Deep Thoughts, Boston Style - Molly

Again, I stole this from a fellow yogi.

Walking around Boston, there are just so many people....people are everywhere.

And each person has a home, a job, a family and a whole set of their own responsibilities and problems.

Today I was grateful for to be me. 

For my own problems.

And for my blessings.

So step back for a moment and just look around you.

Then push forward. 

And smile.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

To Do List - Molly

We leave for Boston tomorrow for a week.

I will be taking my computer and will try to continue to post.

Bear with me. 

I am stealing this from a fellow yogi. I love it because this should be my to do list EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Wish I was this organized...

What's on your to do list? Can you add a few things? Or maybe take a few things off, especially for these more important items?

With all the hustle and bustle it's easy to get caught up in Life. 

We are human. 
We have wants.
We hurt.
We bleed.

So maybe, just for tomorrow, scrap your to do list and focus on this one.

I am.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Tag! You're It! - Molly

I keep another blog. It's more of our family blog. I have written it since we got engaged. I got the idea from my sister-in-law, and I am so grateful to have a written history of our years together. Wish blogs would have existed when I was in high school. They would be a very interesting read!

Anyways, one of my goals before having a baby (well, my goal before we would have had Grace) was to get our blog printed into books, one for each year. I have two printed, one just waiting to be printed and a few years still to do. It is a bit time intensive, but I actually really enjoy the process.

I stumbled upon a blog post from 2008. Remember when people would "tag" you? Ask a whole bunch of questions and you would answer and then "tag" other people to answer them as well?
My sister-in-law was the one who "tagged" me.

Check out my answers - interesting...

Three Fears....1. having difficulty getting pregnant or not being able to (thinking about it more lately) 2. being burned to death - trapped in a potter's kiln to be exact or trapped in my cabin as it burns to the ground (it could happen fast in this place) 3. losing my husband or children or my parents suddenly - aka - being alone Three Goals.... 1. lose 10 pounds (not muscle weight -fat!) 2. pay off debts 3. learn to sew (mom, I need your help with this one) Three Obsessions.... 1. Keeping my skin lotioned up - being in the pool so much, I get very dry - always! So I love to put on lotion and have someone put it on my back....ahhh! 2. smelling good - I LOVE smelly lotions, perfumes, etc. I love to smell good, have people tell me I smell good, be the smelling good teacher at school. 3. Washing the dishes - I like to wash as I cook, and since we DON'T have a dishwasher, I really like to keep on it. My husband ACTUALLY COMPLAINS that I can't let a dish sit in the sink longer than a few minutes. I really don't like looking at a sink full of dishes, it depresses me. Three Random Facts About Me.... 1. I am allergic to metal (no fake gold/silver for me!) I also have a reaction to the wax on floss (have to use Glide). 2. My middle name is simply O - not O. and it does not stand for anything. 3. I ONCE had a profile on LDS linkup and LDS singles - profiles lasted only about 1 week.

Read that first line again...

Three Fears....1. having difficulty getting pregnant or not being able to (thinking about it more lately)

This was written on Monday, July 28, 2008, we were in the "not trying, but not NOT trying" aka there was no goalie.

We would later get pregnant with Jack while celebrating the New Year in Paris. 

I almost feel that I stumbled on this post to remind me that maybe I knew what my trials would be. Maybe to prepare me or let me know that I would (we would) be able to handle it - all of it.

It is no longer a fear of mine. 
It is my reality.
(Well, it was nice to read that I have accomplished (finally) my first goal - 10 pounds of fat - gone. AND I still hate to have dirty dishes around. I never go to sleep with anything in the sink.)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Mountains to Climb - Molly

I've spent this week reading a talk by President Eyring titled "Mountains to Climb". I really enjoy President Eyring. He is so honest, so open and his talks are so applicable to me - especially at this moment.

In my quest for greater faith this month, I have had so many thoughts swirling in my head. But today, I came to a little bit of a realization, almost a resolution of sorts.

I am searching for answers. I am searching for a way to feel more faithful, to live more faithful, to think more faithful.

What I realized today - is that this search, my search - isn't faithful.

True faith is knowing, believing without doubts and without a perfect knowledge that everything is going to be okay. It is trust taken to a whole new level, because the outcome may not be exactly what you (or me) may want it to be.

My faith is great. At least I think that is great. Yet, I still have so much doubt. So how can I have faith or believe that I am being faithful if I am constantly questioning anything - everything.

I have to bring it back to the basics, to my foundation of faith. I have to reconnect and strengthen the things I DO KNOW. If I cannot strengthen my foundation, then as I (you, we) experience trials, our foundation will crumble.

So what do I know, what is my foundation built on?

I have to continue to make good choices.
I have to rely on the Spirit to guide me in those choices.

I know my Heavenly Father and my Savior have never abandoned me.
I know I am truly never alone.

I know my prayers are heard.
I know that my prayers are answered, even if I don't recognize those answers.

I know my children are with my Heavenly Father and His Son.
I know they are doing His work and constantly watching over my husband and I.

I know that one day, I will have them again.
I know that I will raise them - even if it's in the next life.

I know that my Heavenly Father gave me these trials because He knows I am strong enough to bear them.
I know that these trials will only last but a moment, in comparison to what I will be blessed with in the eternities.

I know that I must continue to be faithful, hopeful and patient.
I know, that one day, I will understand all of this.

I have so many things that I know. I have so many things that I don't need to search for - they are right there, in front of me.

I will continue to build and strengthen my foundation, because I don't want it to crumble one day.

After all, we have climbed mountains before, we will just do it again.

On top of Half Dome in Yosemite
"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it. And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace. We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up. And He always keeps His word."
      - President Eyring

Monday, October 15, 2012

Back on the Wagon - Molly

It's been two weeks since Jason and I finished our whole30.

The first week out of the gate, I was surprised that I really didn't want to cheat with anything. I wanted to keep going with all of the restrictions.

I also was surprised at how fearful I was to eat again. 

But I did. 

Oh boy, did I.

Jason and I both got a little "free" in our cheat meals. I think in one day Jason ate a bacon cheeseburger, fries, pizza and a milkshake. 

(You can't blame him, he had an accounting test that day, he needed to de-stress.)

 My pitfalls...


Simple, plain, (tasty) sugar. 
Desserts. Chocolate. Cookies. CANDY!

Sugar took over my brain!

And, it wrecked my body. I have been miserable for the past 10 days. MISERABLE!

I can't fault myself for the first few days, I was on my period. :)

But I got a little out of control - especially when my parents were in town.

A cupcake (or two) one day, french macaroons another. Key lime bar - check. Homemade oreos, double check. Trader Joe's Jo Jo's (thanks Erica) and leftover Sour Patch Kids.

The outcome you ask?

My digestive system is screaming at me. Nothing, I mean nothing.....has been solid in weeks. 
(Sorry, but I'm trying to make a point.)

I am bloated. Gassy. Down right stinky. I haven't slept well, and I have a hard time falling asleep lately.

And...the worst of it - I have gained 3 pounds back.

3 pounds!! In less than 2 weeks!!


I am back on the wagon today. And I pretty much plan to stay there. 

When I cheat, it's going to be worth it. 
No more junk. I'm over it.

The holidays are coming. I am going to save up my cheats and make them worth it.

In the meantime, I am on the wagon.
Don't try to talk me off.

It's just not worth it.  
true story...

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Milestone - Molly

I did my first unassisted (overhand) pull-ups at CrossFit this week. I am still working on linking my pull-ups via a kipping process, but I am almost there. ALMOST! I am up to about 3 pull-ups in a row, and my goal is 10 by the end of the year. 

Thank you CrossFit Verve!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Wishful Thinking - Molly

Today in my 730am CrossFit class there was a girl 6 months pregnant.

Not only was she in the class, but she was lifting just as much as I was.


At this point the jealousy of just the pregnancy is subsiding.

This morning, I was overwhelmed with jealousy of the fact that she was doing power cleans, dips and lunges without any modifications.


I always thought that would be me.

I thought I would be hardcore til the very last moment.

Now I wonder what I will even be allowed to do.

If we try again, am I even going to be allowed to walk Penny?


The jealousy just ate me up this morning. 

Wishful thinking....

Hopeful dreaming....

this isn't her (pretty close though)...but you get the idea of why I was bit by the green eyed monster

Monday, October 8, 2012

Meant For Me - Molly

This past weekend was General Conference. I love General Conference. I love it for so many reasons. I love it because I don't have to set my alarm. I can stay in my pajamas all day. I can snuggle my husband and pup.

But I also love it because I know I'm going to hear something that I need to hear. If I pay close enough attention, I know that one (or all) of the talks is meant for me.

I felt this way Sunday morning after Pres. Eyring spoke. At first I struggled with the words he was saying because I couldn't relate. But then he told a story, a story I can totally relate too.

His talk focused on "pavilions" in our life that separate us from the spirit, or get in the way of allowing us to live the gospel. He told a story about his daughter who was badly wanting a child and was miscarrying. Her miscarriages left her feeling angry, frustrated and far from the Lord.

I know those feelings.

He talked about the day she turned it over to the Lord, the day she accepted her plight and told the Lord she would do and go whenever and where ever the Lord directed her. She would accept His timing and His plan.

Then BOOM!

After all of her struggles she got pregnant. And then she got pregnant again.

She has removed her "pavilions".

It seems so easy, so it got me thinking.

What are my "pavilions"? What things do I need to remove to fully accept and hopefully receive my blessings?

I can't tell you how many days I have walked and talked with the Lord. We have pretty much daily heart to hearts while I walk Penny. I always feel so much closer to Him when I am out surrounded by the beauty of where I live.

What are my "pavilions"? What things or feelings are standing in my way?

This is what I am working on this week. This is what I am focusing my "faith" on.

As much as I know that I am "better than that" or even better than I was, I still harbor so much hurt, anger, frustration and sheer jealousy.

As honest as I can be, I am not always a "good person" when it comes to accepting others' successes. A lot of times I smile, while inside I am tearing apart.

I really try not to take things personally. I try not to believe that it's not because I don't read my scriptures enough or because I didn't (or don't) attend the temple enough. I try to not believe that it's not because I am not praying enough or hard enough.

So how do I remove my "pavilions"? How do I smile and mean it? How do I accept and leave it up to the Lord? How do I stop feeling angry, frustrated and most of all....jealous?

This is why I love General Conference. I am glad this talk was was meant for me.

(My new talk for the week.....another one by Pres. Eyring, read along with me.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

It's Hard - Molly


To have faith.

By nature I am a pretty optimistic person. I usually see the good or spot the silver lining, but it's hard to really feel faithful.

I do things (pray, read, go to church) because it is what I know HOW to do. I really can't imagine my life without these daily/weekly things.

But how do I know if I really have faith.

I'm not a quitter. I don't easily give up. I usually accept things I cannot control (I said usually, not always). But I don't think I fully understand the capacity of faith. And I know I don't use it to my full advantage.

The talk I have been reading is by Elder Richard G. Scott (love him).  It is called The Sustaining Power of Faith in Times of Uncertainty and Testing. Seemed appropriate for my month of study.

My favorite part of the talk is when Elder Scott talks about how to use our faith more effectively. He applies a principle taught by Moroni - "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until AFTER THE TRIAL OF YOUR FAITH."

So what I am wondering is when is my trial of faith over? When will I see or receive witness that I have endured in faith? How much more do I have to endure to be rewarded?

I know results are not always immediate. And I know results aren't always what you hoped them to be.

I just feel a bit stuck that I don't know these things and I don't know if I will ever receive a complete answer.

If trials mold our character, help us become something or someone greater than our current self - I guess I am just not sure what Heavenly Father wants from me or expects me to be.

I hope it's to be a mother, but what if it's not? Will I be able to accept life how it is?

So for now, I am a bit stuck, a bit confused and a bit unsure of where to take my thought process and study next.

So many thoughts and it is getting late.

If anyone can help shed some light on how I can better sustain my faith, especially while in this trial - I would love to hear from you.

Good night.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

On A Side Note - Molly

ding dong, I am dead....
An update from my post whole30...

That is a Ding Dong cake made by my fabulous friend Katie.  She brought it to me on Sunday night to help me celebrate my whole30. Two inches of chocolate cake, covered in ganache, layered with vanilla creme, covered again with ganache, again more chocolate cake and frosted with chocolate frosting. Are you drooling yet? I promptly stuck it in the freezer for Monday morning.

Miraculously, I only took a few bites on Monday. As amazing as it was, I was satisfied with two bites. But then Tuesday and Wednesday happened. It was like it was talking to me....."eat me"....."eat me".
Today I ate a slice. It was heaven. A giant frozen ding dong.


Cramping, gas and bloating has followed my splurge. Ugh. 

lemon heaven
On Tuesday night I went to D Bar. Yum. I stayed smart. I had bunless sliders, steered clear of the mac and cheese and had salad and sweet potato fries. I felt good. But then it was time for dessert. Lemon souffle, beignets and raspberry sorbet. Ummmm......heaven.

I wasn't stuffed, I didn't feel full....but I didn't feel good either. It probably didn't help that I practically drank a bowl of caramel sauce and also added a few cinnamon sugar donuts to the mix. :)

More gas, more bloating and this time, add some cramping and the feeling that I was "backed up". Ugh.

Revelation friends....revelation.

I can't eat like I used to.
I just don't want to anymore....I really don't.

I know I'm only a week out and I have got to cut myself a bit of slack, but I have got to stick to the plan. I have got to keep food prepped in the fridge and I have got to organize my "cheats". Otherwise, it's a cookie here, candy there etc. I need to be reigned in. I felt too good when I cut it all out.

It's just that dessert is tooooooooooo gooooooooooood.

Grains - don't miss them.
Dairy - eh, I can do without really.

But sugar, chocolate, dessert.......that makes the 3 workouts a day worth it.

I lost 9 pounds.....but if I am not careful, I will gain it back faster than I lost it.

Time to get back on track.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Pain is Inevitable - Molly

But misery is optional.

I love this book. (Pain is Inevitable, Misery is Optional by Hyrum W. Smith)

In my quest to strengthen my faith, I first have to understand why I have had to experience so much pain. I have to learn to wrap my head around why pain is part of the process. And I have to accept that I will continue to have pain in my life. It is learning to have faith amidst my trials, have hope amidst my most hopeless moments and trusting in the Lord and his ultimate plan for me.

Sometimes bad things happen. Lots of times, those bad things happen to good people.

We lose loved ones, or marriages end (or never happen), jobs are lost, and we get hurt or hurt others.

Life is hard. It's unfair.

We can't understand or comprehend the why these things happen, but they do, and we can't stop them.
It's hard to see other people around us experience joy, happiness and success while we experience pain.
But pain is felt and experienced by everyone. And it all boils down to how we choose to deal with the pain.

When we let our fear be bigger than our faith or our suffering be greater than our hope, we are the ones who are truly miserable. We miss out on the beauty, the joy and the gifts the Lord has blessed us with.

Pain can be consuming. It can overshadow so many wonderful things.

"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called children of God." - Orson F. Whitney

We can do something though.

We can move forward. Forward with faith. Forward with hope. Forward with a better understanding of just how to deal with it.

It never gets easy. It never stops hurting. But eventually, we stop hurting. Eventually, we are stronger and eventually, we learn to trust and hope again.


We have to let these bad things go. We have to forgive. "Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. It means remembering, but it also means that remembering doesn't matter anymore." (Hyrum W. Smith)

When we realize that, we can stop punishing ourselves (and others, even those who have caused us the pain).

We can begin to let go and we can start to find peace.

Letting go doesn't mean it leaves us. Letting go means we have strengthened our faith. Letting go means we trust the Lord and the peace in our heart allows us to be close to Him.

Letting go means we choose to be happy. We choose to move forward, to smile, to recognize the blessings and to trust that everything will be alright.

Then, we are just a little bit stronger.
Then, we are a little bit more hopeful.

But we also are a lot more faithful.

for a few friends - who I think need to hear this as much as I do...

October - Molly

Final weigh in - 141. 
9 pounds lost for me. 
I haven't felt this good in a long time.

 On to the next challenge.

In my search for happiness, I have already conquered my relationship with food. I am now in control of what goes into my body. My mind is clear and my body is ready. 

For the month of October, my search for happiness focuses on FAITH. 

I have always considered myself someone who does not lack faith. But in the recent years, with all that I have experienced, my faith has definitely been tested. 

Yet amid all of my trials, even when I have felt extremely lonely, I have always known that I am not alone. I have always known that my Heavenly Father has loved me, felt my pain and had more in store for me (and my life). 

What though, is still the question.

I don't know why I have had to experience that losses that I have. 
I don't know what I am supposed to learn or do with these experiences.
And I don't know exactly what direction He wants me to go in.

But I do know that He loves me. 
I do know that there is something in store for me (for us).
I do know that I will be okay.

No matter what.

So for the next 30 days, I am going to focus on my faith.
I am going to work on firming my foundation and hopefully improving my outlook.
I am going to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father and hopefully with myself.

1) Daily scripture study (at least 15 min) - this isn't as easy as you think, but if I can devote time to work out, I can find time to study.

2) Daily personal prayers - my husband and I are good about family prayers, and there are many days I have my personal prayers, but it is not as often as it should be. My Heavenly Father wants to hear from me and I need to talk to him more.

3) Weekly study of a general conference talk or other talk - there are so many wonderful leaders in our church who have amazing and wise things to teach me. I need to read and study these talks to help better understand my role in His plan for me.

***If anyone has any wonderful talks or scriptures that I could benefit from, please email me links. I would love to hear from you.