Sunday, February 28, 2016

Super Nonna

My mom leaves in two days.

She has been with me since January 27th.

I guess there are major perks to having twins - extra Nonna time.

The past month with her has been wonderful.

I have waited all my life to experience THIS moment, THIS life event with her.

To learn from her, be spoiled by her and cared for by her, watch her care for MY's like a right of passage.

I still feel like her little girl, but now I am a mom - just like her.

It's a whole new type of relationship and dynamic.
I want to make her proud.
I want to do it as good as she did.

Many people say that it's taxing - to have your mother or mother in law spend SO much time with you.

But really, it's my mom that has the harder end of the deal.

I have major OCD issues.
Well, to be fair, she raised me and taught me my clean freaky ways.

And we are all residing in 1600 sq feet....along with all the stuff that comes with not only having 1 baby, but 2.

Tight quarters.

But she endured it all.
Always with a smile.
Never once a complaint.
All she needed was a daily Pepsi and some time to herself to sew.

She truly is Super Nonna.

What I have enjoyed the most is seeing her with the babies.

I have to stop and remember that she has waited just as long as I have - to snuggle, smell and kiss their little bodies and faces.
She has also felt loss and pain.
She always struggled alongside me, even when I didn't realize it.

I love the way they look at her.
They know she is their Nonna.

She always has the right songs to sing and knows where to massage to make them feel better.

They feel her tenderness.

They feel her love.

It'll be sad when Nonna leaves.

For all of us.

A lot of people don't realize the huge benefit of being close to family.
It truly is a blessing, a gift.

I see it more now.
I feel it more  now.
I wish for it more now.

So we will just have to do a better job of FaceTiming, Skyping and visiting.

More trips home.
More memories made.

More time with our Nonna and Pops.
And Grandma and Poppa.
And Aunt Ashley and Uncle Rob.
And all of the cousins.

Our universe has truly shifted.
Vacations will forever be different then our past.
Our focus has changed.

 And we are just SO excited for all of it.


For leaving your home and spending the last month with us.
For living out of a suitcase and sleeping on a couch.
For waking up early and staying up late.
For letting me take a shower.
For allowing me to spend one on one time with Penny.
For cooking some of my favorite meals.
For watching trashy TV, like the Bachelor or the OJ Simpson Story.
For indulging in many bags of Mini Eggs and scoops of Sweet Cow ice cream.
For folding lot of laundry.
For spending countless hours feeding, burping, changing diapers and rocking little ones to sleep.
For inventing crazy, but perfect, nicknames.
For helping finish and organize the nursery.
For sharing your breakfast, lunch, dinner or even your lap with not just the babies, but with Penny.

For loving us.
For supporting us on the amazingly, wild ride.
For being excited for us.

And for even cleaning my oven.
(that's true Nonna love)

For just being here, with us, during such a special and monumental time in our lives.
It has been such a blessing.

We will miss you.

I will miss you.


Monday, February 22, 2016

Road to Recovery

Well, we have been home almost a week. Life is starting to settle down. It is so nice to be home with all of the "baby gadgets". Whether it's the Rock and Plays, the MamaRoo, the DockaTot or the TableForTwo, we have SO many options on where to lay the babes down. Add the new glider/recliner downstairs - magic.

I had planned to return to Denver and hit the ground running. Obviously, that plan has changed. There is good and bad in it.

The good - I am just nesting and hibernating with the babes. Even though Denver has had ridiculously beautiful weather, we take our time each day to feed, bathe, dress, feed, nap is really freeing to not have anything (plans wise) over my head. I just have to take care of the babes, and myself of course.

More good - all of the people coming to meet the babes. It is like having them born all over again. It has been so much fun introducing them to people. So many friends walked beside me step for step of this journey. To see the "end result" is just magical. I get to feel the miracle of it all over and over again.

Surprisingly good? Not stressing about getting to the gym or studio etc. As much as I miss my workouts, I have a complete justifiable reason to why I cannot go. I need that in order to slow me down. Otherwise I carry tremendous guilt for not working out (I know, I need to work on that).

The bad, more bad and surprisingly bad - I am in serious pain. I have some good meds but I cannot take them because they will take me out of commission. Unfortunately, unlike times before, I don't have that option.
I feel like I had a vaginal delivery with this giant maxi-pad I'm hauling around. No position is comfortable. Everyone wants me to lay down, but there is too much to do. Laundry, feedings, cleaning and I am not tired....just in a lot of lower abdominal and back pain. Lots of tightness. Very similar to times before, but this time I can't just lay in bed and eat Mini Eggs. Sounds nice though.

I am hoping the worst is behind me and this week I can start getting back to normal. I am so grateful to have my mom here with us to help tag team. Jason has jumped right in and is rocking out the evenings with me. It truly takes a village.

That's a great way to describe it all.
Humbling is how it feels.
A not so gentle reminder that what I want, what I need is truly on the back burner.
And that is okay.
These little people make it so worth it.
I just wish I was 100% for them.

Until I am, I will push through.
I might have to lay down more and clean less, but that is okay.
It just means a lot more snuggling and asking for help.

I can do that.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

The Sixth Man

 Your face probably looks a lot like mine did this morning when this bad boy popped up.



Close your mouth. Breathe.
Keep reading.

I had felt very "off" as soon as we arrived in South Carolina (mid January).
I chalked a lot of it up to the circumstances.
And then I also considered that I was not in my own house, eating my typical food, attending all of my workouts, hiking daily with Penny........not my usual routine.

But something was different.
I was different.
My body was different.

It was like my chest and midsection just expanded, within a week.
I just couldn't believe that it was all because of a few extra cheat meals.

So I did the math.

Ok, I wasn't late, yet.
So I waited.

Then the babies were born and still....nothing.
Ok, again, chalking it up to the events at hand.
So emotional.

So again, I waited.


Now I was over a week late.
This never happens to me.
 Except when I have been pregnant.

I still refused to take a test.
I couldn't handle the highs and lows of it all.

Then I started to spot.
I felt some relief.
Ok, I was just late.

But then that never really turned into anything - at least anything that I would consider as Shark Week.

And my body just kept changing.

It was slightly depressing.
I had worked so hard over the last year to tighten up, lose body fat and improve overall composition.

And within a few weeks - it was gone.

My body turned battle ready.
Baby ready.
It was weird.

I was not myself anymore.

I knew something had to be up.

 (Haylee, remember this box you gifted me?)

I just had to wait until I got home to test. 
I couldn't let how I felt physically get in the way of my new role.

I needed to focus on the babes and not on my bod.

I took a test the night we got home (Well it was actually early am because I never went to bed. Stressing about where I would put a third crib.)

It didn't even take the full 3 minutes to pop up.


I'm pregnant.

But I was still spotting.

And how I felt was very similar to how I've felt in the past before a miscarriage.

I called the doctor.

 It was an interesting situation to explain.

They haven't seen me in over 3 years.

I hadn't had a natural pregnancy in over 5 years.

They got me right in.

I won't lie. 
I was freaking out.

If this pregnancy holds, my babies would be 9 months apart.

Irish Triplets.

3 babies in one year.

My mind was racing.

So many feelings.
So many thoughts.
So many questions.

What was the point of the last year?
The last 5 years?

Why now?
How will I explain this?

I felt like a fraud.
Like the girl who cried wolf or something.

After all of this - this whole journey, I just get pregnant?


Then I felt horrible for feeling like that.
I should be excited.
I should be thrilled.
This is quite the ending to this magnificent story.

But then I panicked.

How do you do 9 month old twins and a newborn?

Did I even want a 3rd?

What if it turns out to be twins?

Then, as I got into the ultrasound room, I got excited.
I got hopeful.

I felt relieved that after so long I got pregnant.
That I wasn't barren.
I wasn't useless.

My body was able. 

 Then the ultrasound started.
And right away I could see.

Measuring 7.5 weeks.

No heartbeat.
No flicker.
No little light flashing.

No movement.

Still not pregnant.

I could see the US Tech demeanor shift as she said she was going to try another way (vaginally). 
Just to be safe.

But I already knew.

I knew it deep down.

And even though I thought it was the outcome I wanted.

Even though I did feel relief.

I felt a wave of sadness.

Another miscarriage.

6 losses.

The doctor confirmed with the second ultrasound and gave me that look.

I think they expected me to be sadder, more upset.

I thought I would be happier, more relieved.

I was very much in the middle.
 I think it was a small state of shock.

But then I remembered that after this appointment I get to go home to TWO babies.
I get to snuggle TWO babies.

I already have my miracles.
Waiting for me at home. 

And that feeling alone made it so much easier to walk out of that appointment.
The small sense of disconnect I was having got even smaller.

Yes, it would've been HARD to have 3 babies in one year.
But it would've been amazing.

But I already have amazing.

Now I feel like I can focus.
And enjoy.

Truly enjoy.

Do we want another?
We are not sure.

We just want to enjoy where we are now.

What will be do going forward?

We are not sure.

We might nip this in the bud.
We might roll the dice.

But WE will decide that together.

So now I take the oh-so familiar meds to help it pass quicker, and I hold my babies tight and just thank my Heavenly Father that my prayers have been answered and that my prayers are still unanswered.

And now I focus.

I revel.
I relish.
I bask in.
I soak up.
I give thanks for.....


I'm ok.
Nothing a little time can't fix.

I will return to "myself" sooner than later.

I'm just glad that this new self includes being a mom.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

It Is Worth It

Well, we have survived the first week! 
Only about 932 or so more to go. 

Their personalities are really starting to bloom.

Bo is chill.
My niece calls him Mr. Chill.
Nothing really gets to him unless it's a wet diaper or it's time to eat.

He lays around like a log most of the time just happy to be held.
He is starting to fill out and his bulldog cheeks are reminiscent of Jason's.

He is a good eater, but not so much a good burper - he falls asleep most of the time.
He will not stand for a wet diaper, so we are grateful for the blue line indicator.

He loves his bath.
He loves music.
He loves to be rubbed, touched, tickled.
My mother (his Nonna) has been spoiling him.

He looks handsome in blue.
And his hair is lightening up.
His skin tone is much more comparable to Jason's.
He's already peed on his Daddy twice (or maybe more).

Nicknames have been Mr. Bo, Little Bo, Mr. B, BoBo (not my fav), the Prince and sweet boy.

He is a sweet boy. 
I see him growing up to be extremely gentle and in tune to other people's feelings.
I see him being thoughtful and purposeful in the things he does.
I see him being tender and letting his little sister have whatever she wants.

Our sweet Annie.
Miss Pill, as my niece proclaimed.
She will tell you when she is unhappy.
She is very vocal and very binky driven.

She is so tiny.
Her face and features are so much more feminine and soft.
She is incredibly expressive and has us laughing with the faces she can make.

Her appetite is growing everyday and she has become a champion burper.
She is not as fond of her baths, but not because of the water, she hates getting undressed (I think she gets cold fast).

She is delicate.
And the noises she makes when eating are hilarious.
I am grateful I am NOT breastfeeding her because she knows how to tear up a nipple - like a ravenous dog, her Nonna says.  

She needs a bit more time to eat and burp.
She loves to pee while you change her diaper. 
(Resulting in a lot of diapers.)

Pink is her signature color.
Her skin tone is much more like mine.
Her hands resemble mine.
She doesn't mind bows in her hair -yet.
(Let's hope that continues.)

She also loves to be touched, rubbed and sung too.
She is very alert and spends more time awake than her brother.

Annie will be a tough girl.
She is be a fighter.
She will always want her voice to be heard.

She is inquisitive and observant.
She will be independent and have the ability to stand up for herself and others.

She will not fear the opinions of others.
She will definitely wrap her Daddy around her finger.
She knows how to steal hearts.

Nicknames are Sweet Annie, Pip (short for Pipsqueak), Pige (short of pigeon), the Princess, sweet girl and Little Ann.

My cup runneth over.

It is everything everyone said it would be and more.

It is hard.

It requires immense teamwork.
Quick thinking.
Ability to multi-task.

You really do give up yourself.

But oh man, is it worth it.

Every tear, heartbreak, struggle, hurt, pain, day, month, year.....

It was all worth it.

It IS all worth it.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016


Ashley Ann Reynolds
We are going to call her Annie, our sweet Annie.

Born January 29th, at 7:39am
 Shortly after her brother (within the same minute)
6lbs 6oz
19" long

Bo Smith Reynolds
But we like to call him Mr. Bo.

Slightly older (by seconds) and much larger.
6lbs 15 oz
19.5" long

Sorry for the gruesome photos but this was our first look. 

We probably looked like deer in headlights to the hospital staff, but we were lucky to be in the OR and snap these photos.

We are parents.
Real life parents.
To actual human children.

And they are perfect.

We are all just mesmerized by the experience.

Ashley was a hero all the way.
She is recovering well.

And the cousins are thrilled.
They are a big help with the babes.
They love to hold them and feed them, but not too keen on any diaper changes.

Grandparents are already in action.
Everyone can't believe how much Bo resembles the Reynolds side of the family and how Annie resembles more of my side (Smith).

Their hair is everything I hoped of and dreamed of. Dark, thick (Annie more than Bo) and crazy Asian (Bo more than Annie).

There were so many emotions that day.
I didn't bawl my eyes out like I had expected.
I think I was all cried out.
All I could feel was joy.

They were here, healthy and strong.
Straight from Heaven and into our arms.

What a miracle.
Two miracles.

There was one moment that was the most tender of all.
One moment I had dreamed of and was hoping to capture.

These will be printed and will hang in the nursery.
I always want the babes to know that they were made by love, carried with love and given to us in love.

Thank you Ashley and Rob for making us a family.

Again, you can catch with us on the day by day on Instagram - mollyo11.

I will try to update soon.

But for now, I just want to hold them. 
I want to smell them.
I want to look at every feature and see the mini versions of ourselves.
I want to soak in all these feelings and enjoy every moment.
Even the not so fun ones.

They will disappear so fast. 
This phase will end and we will be into the next.

I look forward to each and every moment.
I can't wait to evolve. 

I feel myself slowly becoming a mother.
This feels more and more real with each passing day.

I am a mom.