Saturday, November 10, 2012

Grateful and Thankful Day 10 - Molly

This one just makes sense.

Today, I am grateful and thankful for this blog.

It has become such a great outlet for me.
It has helped me process not only the events of the past year (can't believe it has almost been a year), but also has allowed me to sift through all of the thought and emotions that swirl around inside of me.

I feel explained.
I feel understood.
I feel supported.
I feel connected to so many of you (readers) out there.

But most of all, this blog has allowed me to give a voice to issues and matters that sometimes get hushed, silenced or swept under the rug.

Infertility and miscarriage is something that strikes a personal cord in whoever is experiencing it.
It feels like such a personal attack on who you are, who you want to be and who you will become.
We were made to do these things.
We were put on this earth - to procreate.
To mother,
To care and sacrifice for...
something greater than ourselves.

It is the most selfless act - parenthood, especially motherhood. And it does not get the credit it truly deserves.

So when achieving that goal gets halted, or even isn't allowed - it hurts.
 It stings. 
It damages you.

You forget who you are.
You forget why you are here.
You just feel lost.

You feel left behind.
You feel unworthy.
You feel as if you are being punished.
It's a lonely, dark place.

So today, I am grateful for this blog.

Not only has it allowed me to expose and debunk the myths of infertility and miscarriage, but it has helped me connect with something greater than myself. It has provided me with the light I needed to understand my trials.

I have also met so many wonderful people along this journey.
I am so grateful for their stories of struggle and strife.
I am so thankful for their strength and faith.
I have been so blessed to feel their love and support.

And I am so glad that I have been able to be there for them as well. Without this blog, I wouldn't have been able to cheer them on or provide comfort in a time of need.

Some have claimed that this blog is "stupid" or a bit "self serving".
That I am only "fishing for comments" or looking for sympathy.

You betcha I am.

I don't want to pretend to always be happy or that things are always perfect or even okay.

I want people to know the good, bad and ugly side of not only my life, of a 34 year old woman who can't get pregnant. (I am not the only one out there.)

So take me for who I am. Take this blog for what it is - take it or leave it. 

But for me...this blog has saved my life. 
The readers, comments (and the process of writing) has given me hope, faith, strength, comfort, compassion, humility, reality checks - I could go on.
So today, I am grateful and thankful for this blog.
And hopefully one day, I can change the title.

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