Monday, October 8, 2012

Meant For Me - Molly

This past weekend was General Conference. I love General Conference. I love it for so many reasons. I love it because I don't have to set my alarm. I can stay in my pajamas all day. I can snuggle my husband and pup.

But I also love it because I know I'm going to hear something that I need to hear. If I pay close enough attention, I know that one (or all) of the talks is meant for me.

I felt this way Sunday morning after Pres. Eyring spoke. At first I struggled with the words he was saying because I couldn't relate. But then he told a story, a story I can totally relate too.

His talk focused on "pavilions" in our life that separate us from the spirit, or get in the way of allowing us to live the gospel. He told a story about his daughter who was badly wanting a child and was miscarrying. Her miscarriages left her feeling angry, frustrated and far from the Lord.

I know those feelings.

He talked about the day she turned it over to the Lord, the day she accepted her plight and told the Lord she would do and go whenever and where ever the Lord directed her. She would accept His timing and His plan.

Then BOOM!

After all of her struggles she got pregnant. And then she got pregnant again.

She has removed her "pavilions".

It seems so easy, so it got me thinking.

What are my "pavilions"? What things do I need to remove to fully accept and hopefully receive my blessings?

I can't tell you how many days I have walked and talked with the Lord. We have pretty much daily heart to hearts while I walk Penny. I always feel so much closer to Him when I am out surrounded by the beauty of where I live.

What are my "pavilions"? What things or feelings are standing in my way?

This is what I am working on this week. This is what I am focusing my "faith" on.

As much as I know that I am "better than that" or even better than I was, I still harbor so much hurt, anger, frustration and sheer jealousy.

As honest as I can be, I am not always a "good person" when it comes to accepting others' successes. A lot of times I smile, while inside I am tearing apart.

I really try not to take things personally. I try not to believe that it's not because I don't read my scriptures enough or because I didn't (or don't) attend the temple enough. I try to not believe that it's not because I am not praying enough or hard enough.

So how do I remove my "pavilions"? How do I smile and mean it? How do I accept and leave it up to the Lord? How do I stop feeling angry, frustrated and most of all....jealous?

This is why I love General Conference. I am glad this talk was was meant for me.

(My new talk for the week.....another one by Pres. Eyring, read along with me.


Olivia Stipe Manke said...

I completely understand! I had to come to terms with a lot of that myself. I used to pray for a baby, pray to get pregnant, and the like. The longer it went on without happening I would question the Lord on why. Then I realized that the Lord has His plan for us and that my prayers would be better tailored to asking for guidance and for the Lord to give me strength and understanding. I found a lot of peace after that and it's how I continue to pray today.

Liz said...

I thought of you when I heard that talk by President Eyring. I'm so sorry, Molly. From my vantage point, you do a pretty amazing job of not being jealous and being happy for others.

We still pray for you daily and will continue to.

Love you tons.

Sherry GIbson said...

For 4 years we tried to get pregnant and it apparently made me deaf. The Lord was screaming at me and I just could not hear it. Finally it occurred to me that I should pursue adoption and treatment concurrently. Turns out there was a baby girl that needed a home. Two weeks after bringing her home we got pregnant with our second daughter. Everything was the same, only this time the pregnancy lasted. Our daughters are in high school and college now and we were all meant to be a family together!