To have faith.
By nature I am a pretty optimistic person. I usually see the good or spot the silver lining, but it's hard to really feel faithful.
I do things (pray, read, go to church) because it is what I know HOW to do. I really can't imagine my life without these daily/weekly things.
But how do I know if I really have faith.
I'm not a quitter. I don't easily give up. I usually accept things I cannot control (I said usually, not always). But I don't think I fully understand the capacity of faith. And I know I don't use it to my full advantage.
The talk I have been reading is by Elder Richard G. Scott (love him). It is called The Sustaining Power of Faith in Times of Uncertainty and Testing. Seemed appropriate for my month of study.
My favorite part of the talk is when Elder Scott talks about how to use our faith more effectively. He applies a principle taught by Moroni - "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until AFTER THE TRIAL OF YOUR FAITH."
So what I am wondering is when is my trial of faith over? When will I see or receive witness that I have endured in faith? How much more do I have to endure to be rewarded?
I know results are not always immediate. And I know results aren't always what you hoped them to be.
I just feel a bit stuck that I don't know these things and I don't know if I will ever receive a complete answer.
If trials mold our character, help us become something or someone greater than our current self - I guess I am just not sure what Heavenly Father wants from me or expects me to be.
I hope it's to be a mother, but what if it's not? Will I be able to accept life how it is?
So for now, I am a bit stuck, a bit confused and a bit unsure of where to take my thought process and study next.
So many thoughts and it is getting late.
If anyone can help shed some light on how I can better sustain my faith, especially while in this trial - I would love to hear from you.
Good night.
2 comments:
Hi Molly,
I know EXACTLY how you feel right now. We have had miscarriages and 3 full failed IVF cycles. It left me feeling hopeless and helpless. I really felt Heavenly Father had indeed forsaken me. What had I done to deserve such a cruel punishment? I have always done by best to follow the gospel. Did he want more from me?
We've been trying for coming up 6 years. I'll be 27 soon. And although people kept telling me "but you are still so young, theres still time.." I saw it as, possibly, a longer time to suffer with infertility, assuming the trend stays the same. I lost all hope and a lot of faith. But with time, lots of supportive people in my life, including a Church services counselor, and the love and comfort that I soften my heart to feel from the Holy Ghost and Father in Heaven, I can say, I can actually smile again (for a long time I didn't). It takes a leap of faith to "Choose" to be happy, leave things in the Lords hands and enjoy blessings we have now. I've found that removing the burden and pressure I had put myself under to get pregnant and have a child, I've found real comfort and peace that before I kept shutting out.
As for "...until after the trail of your faith..", I see that as after death, or possibly the resurrection. We were sent here to be trialed and prove our faithfulness. Looking at Jesus' time on earth and even Joseph Smith, they didn't receive real peace until they were Resting In Peace. Life is hard, and seems so unfair at times. But I know that eventually we will enjoy happiness. But its takes time. And it should take time. You have been through so much, no one can expect you to just be 'ok' with it all so soon. Stick at it. As hard as it seems, things will get better, just maybe not how we thought it would be,
xxxx
Lauren
I thought this was really helpful: http://www.ldsces.org/xml/iws/60500/Fall%2009%20LonF%20Readings.pdf
It's a copy of Joseph Smith's "Lectures on Faith" along with corresponding talks from general authorities. I especially like, "Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ," by Gerald N. Lund. He does an excellent job explaining the process we call faith and the different stages of development.
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