Thursday, October 4, 2012
It's Hard - Molly
To have faith.
By nature I am a pretty optimistic person. I usually see the good or spot the silver lining, but it's hard to really feel faithful.
I do things (pray, read, go to church) because it is what I know HOW to do. I really can't imagine my life without these daily/weekly things.
But how do I know if I really have faith.
I'm not a quitter. I don't easily give up. I usually accept things I cannot control (I said usually, not always). But I don't think I fully understand the capacity of faith. And I know I don't use it to my full advantage.
The talk I have been reading is by Elder Richard G. Scott (love him). It is called The Sustaining Power of Faith in Times of Uncertainty and Testing. Seemed appropriate for my month of study.
My favorite part of the talk is when Elder Scott talks about how to use our faith more effectively. He applies a principle taught by Moroni - "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until AFTER THE TRIAL OF YOUR FAITH."
So what I am wondering is when is my trial of faith over? When will I see or receive witness that I have endured in faith? How much more do I have to endure to be rewarded?
I know results are not always immediate. And I know results aren't always what you hoped them to be.
I just feel a bit stuck that I don't know these things and I don't know if I will ever receive a complete answer.
If trials mold our character, help us become something or someone greater than our current self - I guess I am just not sure what Heavenly Father wants from me or expects me to be.
I hope it's to be a mother, but what if it's not? Will I be able to accept life how it is?
So for now, I am a bit stuck, a bit confused and a bit unsure of where to take my thought process and study next.
So many thoughts and it is getting late.
If anyone can help shed some light on how I can better sustain my faith, especially while in this trial - I would love to hear from you.