The Tissue Issue - Molly

This is probably too much information.

And only a small percentage of women will understand.

While I feel pretty relaxed and "unattached".

I do experience a bit of anxiety every day.

Anxiety every time I wipe.

As pregnant women all know, you have to go to the bathroom a lot.

The difference between them and me, is that every time I go, I have to prepare myself.

I have to prepare myself for the "wipe".

I have to take a big breath and hope that I don't see any twinge of red, pink, blush, maroon - any hue of pink.

It's a bit stressful. And sometimes I analyze things way too much.

But it is my life. My daily worry.

And it will be a few weeks/months before I stop looking at the tissue.

Too much information? :)

Another source of my daily anxiety is the lovely progesterone suppository.

I insert one every night before bed.

And no matter how early in the evening I insert it, it always makes a reappearance the next day.

So along with my tissue issue, there is the "gush".

The gush of progesterone that always occurs throughout the day.

Sometimes the "gush" paralyzes me a bit because I am in a place or position that I cannot check myself.

Sometimes it comes with such force that I have relapses of my clots from my last pregnancy.

Sometimes I truly believe that this pregnancy is over.

Sad. But true.

This is my daily life.

It is because of these daily paranoias that I wish I was overly tired or deathly nauseated.

While I know I should just be grateful for the energy I do have and the nausea I don't have, there is something to be said to have such visable, physical signs that something is "going on". 

I did take my first afternoon nap today. 

So that made me happy.

Like I said, many of you will not be able to relate to my "issues". 

But I do know that many of you will.

So find some relief in knowing that YOU are not alone.

I have a tissue fear and am daily grossed out by my progesterone gushes.

And I am the one who published it on the internet - not you.