Monday, June 11, 2012

Sunday Bloody Sunday - Molly

Here we go again.

First, let me say that I just returned from an ultrasound and the Bat is doing fine. Whew.

Let's start at the beginning.
While we were getting ready for church I noticed a little bit of red (more red than earlier) when I wiped. It made me nervous, so I put a pad on and kept an eye on things.

All seemed well. 

We came home from church and I put in a suppository and took a short nap. Again, all seemed well. 
I decided to get Penny out for a swim at a nearby lake, so we left about 3pm. 
While at the lake, I felt it. 


Since I had a pad on (and we were alone at the lake), I took a small peak in my panties.


I rushed Penny to the car (poor girl was not ready to leave) and we started the 10 minuted drive home. 
I felt it again while driving.


It was warm so I knew it wasn't from my suppository.

I got home and went into the bathroom. The pad was almost soaked with bright, red blood.

The tears started immediately. I rushed downstairs to Jason and told him we needed to go to the ER.

Here we go again.
I could see it all over his face.

As I walked upstairs, I felt something push out of me. 
I knew this feeling all too well. 
I yelled out to Jason.
"Something's coming out, it might be the baby."

I rushed back to the bathroom to discover a clot (about 2 quarters size) on the pad. 
There was a bit of relief, but it made me even more nervous.

This didn't look good. 

We got in the car and headed off to the ER. 
While in the car, I called the nurse on-call.
Luckily, it was my nurse Marilyn we got a hold of. She went through a list of symptoms.
Soaking a pad - almost.
Cramping - no.
Did you save the clot (dang, I had thought about that) - no.
Headed to ER - yes.

She advised me to wait and see. Since I was not cramping, she was very optimistic and thought the clot was possibly the sac from the second embryo (the twin) or a collection of blood that had to make it's way out. 

Reluctantly, I agreed and we turned back home. 

I love our nurse Marilyn. My favorite thing is that we share the same faith (LDS, Mormon). She not only gave me medical advice, but she gave me some spiritual guidance too. She reminded me that I needed to have some faith in this pregnancy, in my body and in my Heavenly Father. She recommended we just wait and see. If I start cramping or if more blood (run down your leg type of blood) happens, to then head to ER. Otherwise, she did not want a ER doc placing a speculum inside and cause more disruption. She said to come to the office at 8am for an ultrasound.

I am so glad we listened. 

I was in bed the rest of the night. Penny never left my side. Jason got dinner and checked on every bathroom trip. I am a lucky girl to have two people love me so much.

the look on her face when I would cry

laying across my legs
This is the 3rd Sunday I have had bleeding. Obviously, my faith is being tested. Jason keeps reminding me that I need to be more positive and have more faith. I think my faith is most lacking in myself, my body. I know that my Heavenly Father is hearing each and every prayer. I have faith in that. I lack in knowing that I can do this and I will get through this - whatever the result.

I have to have faith.

(And I have to relax!)

"I bear witness of the power of the priesthood given to the Church to protect us and guide us. And because we have that, we have no fear of the future. Fear is the opposite of faith. We move forward, certain that the Lord will watch over us, particularly in the family."
-Elder Boyd K. Packer


Anonymous said...

In my study of Scripture I have learned that the theme that reoccurs the most throughout the Bible is that of not having fear. Fear is not from our Heavenly Father, it is from our enemy. Ask our Father to remove this fear, and He will wipe it away as he holds every tear you shed in His hands. Take care Molly, I will be praying for you!

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. Psalm 27: 14

Say to those who are of a fearful and hasty heart, Be strong, fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance; with the recompense of God He will come and save you. Isaiah 35: 4

Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice. Isaiah 41: 10

For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you! Isaiah 41: 13

Be strong, courageous, and firm; fear not nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God Who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31: 6

It is the Lord Who goes before you; He will [march] with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you; [let there be no cowardice or flinching, but] fear not, neither become broken [in spirit--depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm]. Deuteronomy 31: 8

Nicole Forkel said...

Geez I just starting crying like crazy when I just read this. I hope you are doing ok your faith is so inspiring!

April said...

MOLLY!!!!!! My goodness! I am so glad everything is okay. You poor thing. I am so sick thinking of how you must feel all day every day! I'm sure the fear is sickening, but u are strong beyond belief, and I know your faith is stronger! Call me if u wanna crazy preg talk! Love and prayer from our house!

Jill said...

Thanks for this Molly. Keep going. Keep writing. Keep inspiring people

Sara said...

Hi Molly, I've been following your blog for quite sometime. Marilyn is my mom and Jen Christensen is one of my dearest friends. I have a little girl two days younger than Claire and heard your story 3 years ago when you, Jen and I were pregnant. Because of those connections and following your blog, I feel like I know you even though we've never met. Want you to know that we are praying for you and little bat. May you find some peace and may bat keep growing strong.

Johnson Family said...

So glad to hear that everything is OK, that's so scary. I love the quote from Elder Packer and I agree you need to relax, but I realize that's easier said than done. Love you-KP

Jimmy and Alison said...

Hang in there , the same thing happened to me. We lost the twin and had bleeding as well. Good sign no cramps !!!!

Anonymous said...

So happy everything is okay! I check your blog every day even though I don't know you two personally. The pictures of Penny made me cry! Your blog is so inspirational and I say a prayer for you and Haylee everyday!!!

Olivia Stipe Manke said...

Many hugs hun!