Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Apriclots - Molly

Still bleeding. A lot.

Last night I was up for about 3 hours with horrible cramps. 

I passed about 4 apricot sized clots, and some smaller ones (think blackberry).

I like to call them "apriclots".

It was the cramping that really had me worried. I took some Tylenol and finally after 4am, fell asleep. Around 5 or 6am, I woke up in a panic. 

My mind was racing. I just kept thinking, "what if one of those apriclots was the baby?" "Did I check the toilet?" "What if in my next ultrasound the baby is gone?"

 I couldn't go back to sleep. Those thoughts just lingered in my mind and into the morning. I tried to rationalize, "feel" for symptoms, but at 14 weeks (today) I am feeling better (minus the bleeding and clotting). The baby bump isn't really even noticeable yet. I just look (and feel) soft. 

So I started to worry. And once that started, I couldn't stop.

I felt haunted all morning. So I called the doctor to have me come in for reassurance. 
I already have an appointment set for Friday, just to get me through the weekend, but I couldn't get over the cramping and the clotting. So I went in.

Bat is fine. Ticking away in there with a heart rate of 166. 

And they still have no real idea of where the bleeding is coming from. There is nothing in the ultrasound would suggest that I would or could have this much bleeding and/or clotting. But miraculously, it is not hurting the baby.

So I just have to wait it out.

I feel frazzled. 

I am tired (emotionally, not physically).

And I had to buy pads today at Wal-Mart. 


I got the box of 52 pads. Should last me about 10 days.


Alice said...

I had a friend who bled her entire pregnancy and he baby turned out to be perfect! He's a healthy 3 yr old:)

Jimmy and Alison said...

Hang in there.

Olivia Stipe Manke said...

Many hugs and prayers honey! Maybe some yoga meditation would help. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this.