Last night was a nightmare. A nightmare I have lived before. One that I cannot quite put into words yet, but as family, friends, acquaintances and even anonymous's (I know it's not a word, bear with me), AS READERS, you have been by my side. You have listened more than I could have ever expected.
The cramping intensified last night. It was all too familiar. It was pretty obvious to me what was happening. I had been there before. I then became nauseous and started to sweat. The pain was unbearable. And for the first time, the bleeding actually slowed. The clotting stopped.
And I knew what was coming.
We lost our baby just after midnight.
The paramedics came and took me to the hospital where it was all confirmed.
I am no longer pregnant.
That is all I have in me for now. Reliving this nightmare has been a nightmare in it's self. I am not in any physical pain, the drugs have helped. I was lucky I passed everything all at once - all in one piece while at home.
But emotionally, I am spent.
I really have few words right now.
My heart is broken.
I have lost all confidence in myself, my faith and my future.
For now, and just this once, I ask for some time, some privacy as I put the pieces back together.
I just need some time with my husband.
Again, thank you for, well everything.