Thursday, June 21, 2012

Deja Vu - Molly

Last night was a nightmare. A nightmare I have lived before. One that I cannot quite put into words yet, but as family, friends, acquaintances and even anonymous's (I know it's not a word, bear with me), AS READERS, you have been by my side. You have listened more than I could have ever expected.

The cramping intensified last night. It was all too familiar. It was pretty obvious to me what was happening. I had been there before. I then became nauseous and started to sweat. The pain was unbearable. And for the first time, the bleeding actually slowed. The clotting stopped.

And I knew what was coming.

We lost our baby just after midnight.

The paramedics came and took me to the hospital where it was all confirmed.

I am no longer pregnant.

That is all I have in me for now. Reliving this nightmare has been a nightmare in it's self. I am not in any physical pain, the drugs have helped. I was lucky I passed everything all at once - all in one piece while at home.

But emotionally, I am spent.
I really have few words right now.
My heart is broken.
I have lost all confidence in myself, my faith and my future.

For now, and just this once, I ask for some time, some privacy as I put the pieces back together.
I just need some time with my husband.

Again, thank you for, well everything.

15 comments:

Mick Kirsten Thomas said...

Sending SO much love your way, Molly. We are SO sorry you lost your precious baby. Our family has been praying for you guys and will continue to as you and your husband circle the wagons and grieve. We hope you will feel the Savior's arms around you at this very sacred time. You are an amazing woman and have inspired and continue to inspire so many women that are walking a similar road. Thank you for your honesty.

Becky said...

I am so sorry, Molly. No words, just tears from my heart. You are loved, and you don't even know me.

mom of seven said...

I'm so sorry Molly. May you feel at peace with yourself and know that there are many people who are still there as your support.

God bless you.

Jimmy and Alison said...

I'm in shock. Im so sad for you. All I can say it I'm a Christian girl and I will be praying for you.

Anonymous said...

My heart is breaking for you.

Sara said...

I am so very sorry. I know those words probably don't matter much but just want you to know that we're thinking of you and praying for peace for you and your family. My heart is broken for you.

Kim Brady said...

I am so sorry. I know there is nothing anyone can do to take your pain away. I know the feeling all to well. I am praying for you guys durning this awful time<3

JoLee said...

Oh Molly. I cannot even imagine. Heartbreaking. Tears and love.

Olivia Stipe Manke said...

Oh my goodness...my heart just aches for you and Jason right now. I am so sorry you have to go through this pain and sadness yet again. Many hugs and prayers for you right now.

Anonymous said...

Molly, we knew each other as girls, before boys and babies were even in our sights. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your husband right now. I can't even express to you my sorrow for your family. You are constantly in my prayers and you will be extra in my thoughts and prayers. Oh Molly, I am so sorry.
Julie

The Stefanek Quints said...

You are cared about and my heart goes out to you both...

Anonymous said...

Love, light & prayers to you my friend- Shauna (TSY student)

Jill said...

I feel insignificant to say anything. But I want you to know that I am thinking about, praying for, and mourning with you and your hubs. My heart is heavy for you at this time.

Brooke said...

There are no words, so I will just say this: I'm so very sorry, Molly. Love to you both.

RC Cola said...

So sorry. You guys are always in our prayers. Love you to pieces.