Survivor's Guilt

This is another post that has been on my mind that past few months.

Once we hit the "viable" mark and I have started to relax and really believe that this was happening, the survivor's guilt started to kick in.

At first I thought it was just me.

But then after attending a holiday party and talking with a sweet girl who has also overcome her infertility (and is due in next few weeks), we both brought up the conversation of "survivor's guilt".

I noticed it most when the conversation turns to babies.

I am overly excited and I want to talk about my babies, my story, this experience,

but.....

I feel horrible when present company includes wonderful women/friends who are STILL NOT PREGNANT.

I know I can completely relate to their frustration, hurt, sadness, anger, jealousy (and all the hundreds of feelings you experience). 

But now I am on the "other side". 

I am no longer in the boat.

My "infertile" end is in sight.

And my heart still continues to hurt and bleed for these women.

I came across this quote from Elder Wirthlin.

I want to remind these sisters, my friends, these women, that YOUR TIME will come.

The Lord hears you.

He sees your hurt.

He feels your sorrow.

He sheds tears alongside yours.

And He will fill your heart if you continue to have faith, hope and BELIEVE in the good things to come.

I, too, hear you.

I see you.

I have felt everything you are feeling and I will continue to feel these things for you BECAUSE I know that it hurts.

And I want to apologize if any conversations have made you uncomfortable or sad. 

If you have ever left frustrated, angry or even just annoyed - I am sorry.

There are many days I wish that it was YOU who was receiving this miracle.

Not because I don't think I deserve it...

but because I think YOU deserve it.

And I know....I know deep down, I can handle the hurt.

And if I could I would take your hurt and make it my own.

I wish these things for you.
I will continue to wish, hope and pray that one day....

You will receive the blessings that I know are awaiting you.