Friday, August 28, 2015

Slowing Down

I apologize for not writing. I have spent this last week doing laundry, cleaning up vomit, cleaning up diarrhea, rushing to the ER (twice), picking up meds, administering meds, changing bedding, sleeping on the floor, skipping the gym and hoping and praying my little pup is on the mend.

Holy Cow! I am a mom.

I won't lie. It has been an adjustment. I have been mostly home bound. I haven't really talked to many people. I have done some backyard workouts and have wanted to shove a whole cake in my mouth (but I didn't). This week is definitely not a normal for me.

Yep, I am getting a taste of what is to be.

Still won't lie. Not my favorite. But yet, there have been a few moments I have enjoyed having to slow down.

Slow down and just be. 

Unlike most women expecting, I don't think about my impending arrivals every day. It is nice that it is not smothering every moment of my every day, but it is a bit intimidating.

One day I will just have babies. They will just be here.

And that is kind of freaky.

I am not going to have that day by day growth or change. I won't see my belly or even Ashley's belly slowly swell. I won't have sleepless uncomfortable nights or achy backs during the day. I won't have tired feet or swollen ankles. (Sorry Ashley.)

One day I will just have babies.

So while I can....while there is time, even amidst the planning and buying and prepping and shopping, I am going to slow down.

I am going to enjoy where I am at, while I can be here.

The last (almost) 9 years being married have been amazing. The relationship Jason and I have built, even amongst the struggles, isn't one I would trade for anything.

We are solid.
We are a team.
And we are in love more than ever.

Together we will approach this next stage, not with the attitude of "why did we decide to do this", but with the attitude, "how lucky are we that we get to do this".

Yes, it has been a struggle and even has been something we didn't think we would get to experience. And I realize more than ever that many still are in that phase - the unsure phase. The standing still phase. And as hard as that phase it - my recommendation?


Because one day, it will change. Things have to change. And they won't always be "for the better'. There will be days where you are swamped in laundry, poo and puke. Days when you never walk out your front door. Days when you want to eat a whole cake.

And that's ok.

I think I will slow down and try to enjoy those moments too.

Because THIS is where I want to be.

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