Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Catch-Up: What It Takes and The First Steps

You would think that once you have someone willing to carry a baby or babies for you that things would go rather quickly.

Drug them up. Knock them up.
9 months later you get a baby.


It is hard to find someone. There are requirements that need to be met.

CCRM has an ideal candidate.

Non-drug user.
Healthy BMI (body fat percentage).
Healthy mentally.
Healthy physically.
Healthy emotionally.
Healthy spiritually (this was one of my requirements).
Social media conscious (and appropriate).
Not older than 40.
Had successful pregnancies.
Willing. Able. Ready.

Needle in a haystack!

We were lucky to have had people offer.  It is such a kind gesture. It always made me emotional when someone would tell me that they would - regardless if they knew they really could. It is such a heartfelt gift.

I was not set on it being a family member.
It didn't even have to be someone we knew.

It just had to be the right fit.
Even though it is an emotional and physical experience, it is also a transaction.
Money, whether it is with bills or compensation, is involved, so everyone needs to be on the same page.

It is very daunting.
Very draining.
It feels that within any moment, someone could change their mind or something could prohibit the process from going forward.

But once you find someone and that decision is reached,

then there is the joy of....

Consents - lots of signatures.
Insurance policies.
And more drugs.
And waiting....
lots of waiting.

I have been so extremely grateful for Ashley's "tell me what to do next" attitude.
 Even better? Once you tell her what has to happen, she gets it done.

Her willingness.
Her attitude.
Her positive mindset.

As much as I have tried accomplish everything and just leave the "getting pregnant" to her, I couldn't have done it without her getting more involved.

Whether it was finding a "one-day turnaround" for labs.
Trips for blood draws multiple times a week.
Not working out.
Limiting other "activities".
Phone calls and texts updating me.
She has made this process so much easier and has given me so much peace along that way. I can't tell you how much that has meant to me. To know that a task given is a task completed with a willing heart.

She is amazing.

So getting back to that "first day".

Once we had established that this was going to happen, we had to schedule a day for Ashley and her husband to come out for a One-Day workup. Blood tests, psychological evals, paps, hysteroscopy, forms, waivers, consents.......not to mention the BIG NOTEBOOK they bring out that explains EVERYTHING.

From drug injections to mock calendars. I have 2 of these notebooks and Ashley joined the club when she received hers.

That happened in February. It was a quick trip sadly. Hard for her husband to find time off of work, kids, school etc. Life still was going on.

We tried to make it exciting with the little bit of extra time we had. But it was an emotional day. Lots of angst and excitement surrounded us. We all had to get tested. We met individually, as couples and then as a four-some.

It was a great day all in all. Ashley and her husband got a glimpse of what Jason and I have endured over the past few years. I won't lie, it was nice to feel a bit validated for what I/we have had to go through.

It was also nice to meet as a foursome with the psychologist. It was a chance for all of us to really talk and be heard at the same time.

I was determined to have Ashley and her husband understand that I was not counting on this to work. That her safety and health was more important to me than anything. And that she had to let me do things for her throughout the pregnancy. I mean, how can you ever really thank someone for this amazing gift?

And her feelings and thoughts were important as well. She was determined to let me know that she was doing this for no other reason than to help us have a family. She wasn't looking for fame, fortune or even gifts. She was doing this because she felt that it was the right thing to do. She didn't want me feeling the I "owed" her for the rest of my life.

I told you....she's amazing.

So we made an agreement.

I wouldn't spend my days saying, "but you did this for me."
And she wouldn't spend her days saying, "but I did this for you."

Her husband's concerns echoed the same. Ashley's health was what mattered to him most. Otherwise he supported her in everything because he knows she's strong enough, capable enough and determined. (yep, he's a stud too.)

Jason fell into the same realm. Ashley's safety was number one priority. We could deal with any sort of aftermath regardless of what it was, good or bad.

There were tears shed that day. Lots of them. Mostly mine. Being back in the medical offices and going through the battery of tests was draining.
But yet, peace surrounded my heart.
The spirit lightened up my soul.

We were moving in a direction.
The right direction.

Progress never felt so good.
We didn't even know if it would work, but to take a step, to move forward, to progress -

This was our/my best chance.
This was our babies best chance.
If this didn't work, then I knew the Lord had other plans for us.
We could walk away.
We could know we tried.

If it did work?
If we did get our miracle(s)?
All of our lives would be changed forever.
For the better.

All because ONE person, ONE family, wanted US to have what they had.

Talk about total love and selfless service.



Anonymous said...

So happy that this is happening! Look forward to following the journey here!

LeenieGreenie said...

I love your story. I am so glad you were able to find someone who will be able to help you feel the joy of Motherhood.
I have been wanting to be a GS ever since I was pregnant with my first child. I would love to be able to give that gift to someone in need.