This week I returned to teaching.
I was nervous to return because I was not sure if I could keep my emotions in check. I was afraid of "being in public". I was afraid to cry. I was afraid to talk about it. I was afraid of the looks on people's faces when they saw me. I was afraid of what they would say, do etc.
I was afraid of being "that girl".
You know what I'm talking about. "That girl" is the girl who you walk on eggshells around and you don't know what to say or do. You're afraid to be too casual and you're afraid to be to serious. You want to let her know you care and that you feel for her, but there is just no right way to do it. I have been "that girl" before and I have been "that friend" on the other side. It's a difficult place.
I have always hoped that this blog would eliminate some of that pressure. I hope that through my open and candid posts that people would be able to gain a better understanding of "that girl" and how to be "that friend".
On Wednesday I taught a double. Two spin/yoga classes. One in the morning and one in the evening with a little bit of CrossFit in between. (Yes, when I jump back in, I jump hard.)
Even though I had spent the past few weeks getting back into shape, teaching and taking are two different things. And my nerves were getting the best of me.
When I walked into the studio everything was the same. It looked the same, it smelled the same. And when I saw some of my old students, it felt as though I had never left. What wonderful people (women) they are. I felt like myself again. I didn't feel like "that girl". What a blessing to have so many people surround you, care for you, root for you, mourn with you, but then help pick you back up again. So much love from so many people and places.
My heart is warm this week.
But my kooch...well it is sore.
Not going to lie.
I taught another spin class on Thursday evening and that has left things a little more tender. :)
But it felt so good to be back.
I finally felt like myself and not "that girl".