Tuesday, July 17, 2012

My Therapy - Molly

It has been over 3 weeks since we lost our Grace. How am I coping? I am doing well. Physically, I am back in the gym, studio and with my husband :). Emotionally, each day brings its new challenges. The challenge might be a pregnancy announcement and/or birth, baby promo email, calendar appointment that I forgot to delete or even a simple Wednesday (I marked my weeks in Wednesdays). In the back of my mind I am optimistic, even though sometimes it doesn't always show. All in all, I felt prepared for this trial, I feel the arms of so many people around me and I am lifted up by the faith of so many.

So what is my therapy? How do I really cope? What gets me through each day?

My workouts.

Unfortunately, being on the mat in a yoga studio has been difficult for me. I used to love the hour or so of silence, alone in my own thoughts, feeling the strength of my body in different postures. But now, I struggle. I struggle being inside my head. I struggle with my thoughts. I struggle with all of that silence. (and then in savasana I just cry my eyes out)

So I started CrossFit. 

(CrossFit Verve in downtown Denver is my new happy place)

(if you don't know what CrossFit is, google it)

I have a lot of doubt some days that I will be a mom

In CrossFit there is no time to think, and being alone with my thoughts is not an option. My body is being pushed to new limits and that occupies my mind in itself. I love the strength that I feel when performing an Olympic lift, doing a pull-up or dip. People are there cheering you on, the music is blasting and you walk out of there dead on your feet.

Maybe it's just different. Maybe it gives me a sense of control that I am lacking right now.

But maybe this is just what I need.

I do get back to the studio. I do spend time on my mat. I just can't do it everyday, all day. I will go back to teaching after our travels and I will continue to push my self to new limits.

And that is my challenge to all of you.

When life hands you lemons, when you feel the walls closing in around you, when everything just seems to.....SUCK.....WORKOUT. Get moving. Sweat. Lose control and find somethings within yourself that wasn't there before.

I am full of scars. My body, my mind and my heart is scathed in them. But when I workout, I heal. My heart beats stronger, the blood moves faster and I feel those scars start to fade.

Life can suck and that's nothing new.

Do something about it.

do something about it - don't give up on it


Mrs.T said...

What a beautiful and inspirational post, Molly. Yoga is an amazing practice, but sometimes it's not what we need. Been thinking about you tons and still sending you healing thoughts and vibes. Thank you for continuing to post. Love you!

Katie said...

I woke up this morning and every muscle in my body was sore...but you should see how great the front yard looks this morning.

That's working out Katie-style.

Anonymous said...

Wish I could talk to you- we are similar in so many ways.. I found your blog by mistake and it keeps me going everyday

Sara Cook said...

Molly- its so incredible that you are managing to keep perspective and to offer light to other people with this post. Big fat hug!

Jimmy and Alison said...

Your progressing and it shows. Ill continue to pray for you.