Thursday, February 16, 2012

Always under promise so you can over deliver - Molly

That must be CCRM's motto. They had told us 2-4 weeks for genetic testing results. But this morning at 9:30am, I received a call from the office.

5 perfectly genetic embryos.

5 chances to be a mother.

5 babies, just waiting for us.

There are no guarantees that any or all of these will "stick", but the odds are in our favor. What an answer to prayer, to the many prayers that have been said for and in our behalf. We are so grateful.

I did have an ungrateful moment this morning though.

And there were tears. Lots of tears.

It started out like this:

Nurse: "You have 5 perfect embryos."
Me: "That's great! So I still call you on Day 1 and we start building my transfer calendar."
Nurse: "No, you have to have a bleed first. Then your next period we will start prepping you for your transfer."
Me: "That's a whole other month. I was told 6-8 weeks post retrieval."
Nurse: "Well, you can talk to Dr. Schoolcraft, but we need to wait for your March period."
Me: (just barely holding on) "So, not until April or even possibly May."
Nurse: "There are a few different options, but we will just have to see."

At this point I am not only upset, but MAD. I have been to so many meetings, read so many waivers, consent forms and documents that I have been holding on to what they all have said, 6-8 weeks POST retrieval. I have built a mental calendar in my head, planned future vacations around "how pregnant I might be" and now it's all up in the air. What I thought was about a 3 month process was turning into 4 or maybe 5. 

I lost it. Uncontrollable sobs. Barely could talk on the phone - LOST IT.

I get it. We have paid a lot of money to be given this opportunity. We will do the process the right way. Whatever way they tell us, but it just feels like such a  LONG ORDEAL. 

I also feel silly. If we walk out of this with a baby or two, it will be such a small moment of time. And I am so grateful to have had such good results. But I lost it. It just seems like so much waiting. I feel like my life is on hold in so many ways as I just wait.

On the docket: 1) a consult with Dr. Schoolcraft to discuss genetic results and transfer options. 2) a meeting with nurses to discuss FET (frozen embryo transfer), calendar, drugs, restrictions etc. We are hoping to complete these next week. Until then, we wait for my post retrieval period.

Can I ask everyone for ONE thing? Please don't ask why it's taking so long or when will I transfer. I don't know. When I do, you will too. I trust the doctors, I trust this process. I have faith and hope that this will bring us a baby.

 But, I am thrilled beyond belief with the results. I am so grateful. 

5 perfect embryos.

And until transfer comes, I have this magnet (given by to me by my yoga trainers) to help me through.
oh they know me too well....


heather said...

we all need that advice! Hooray for so many chances for babies. I'm so excited for you!

Olivia Stipe Manke said...

Many hugs honey...I know that disappointment all too well when I had an IVF cycle canceled on me mid-cycle.

I admire both you and Haylee for having the courage to share your journey through this process. I didn't because of the reason you just posted -- I didn't want to deal with the people asking me a million questions and having to explain it all.

Hang in there.

eksparrow said...

5 PERFECT EMBRYOS!!!! Stay strong and keep the faith my friend. Love you. Xoxo

rose said...

Steve & I are so excited, and hopeful and supportive to you two during all of this. Our thoughts are with you and know the best is yet to come. said...

You got this lady! I know you've been through a lot but this is just a little wrinkle in the plan!!! Keep up the optimism!