Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Got to have faith - Molly

Well gang, we are officially on an IVF schedule. My nurse mailed it to me yesterday. Out of the gates - 3 weeks of birth control! WOO HOO!! Followed by an ultrasound and some blood. Then comes the injections - 2-4 shots a day for about a week. Come February we will be (well, I will be) going in everyday for tests. All of this with the hope that on February 7th, I will be retrieving some delicious, ready to get pregnant eggs!

We are still battling this whole MRI stuff. I am waiting to see if it is REALLY necessary or if I could just postpone it for another 6 months to a year. They say everything looks good, but because of the "dense boobie tissue", an MRI would be needed to really get a close look. So I am hoping my internal medicine doctor just brushes it all off. Still waiting for that call back! (hint, hint)

Now comes the big "how am I feeling" question. Well, how am I feeling. I just finished a 3 day cleanse so I have a headache, my colon is completely cleaned out and I am craving a burrito and queso. Honestly, that's where I am RIGHT NOW.

Now in regards to all of this "other stuff". I feel that a weight has been lifted, but at the same time I feel that we are passing through some heavy iron gates that don't allow U-turns. There is no turning back. The end of this road either ends with a baby(ies) or we walk away empty handed.

I am scared out of my mind.

This thought that this wouldn't work, has been really far off in my mind. I mean, it has too. Right? Wrong. There are plenty of people that go this far, even farther and still walk away with nothing. No answers, explanations or understanding of anything. And if that's us? Where do we go from there? I just wish there was a guarantee. I wish there was enough knowledge that the doctor could say - "Do IVF and you WILL have a baby." 

But that isn't going to happen. So until then, or until we have a baby(ies) in our arms - we will just have to rely on our faith. 

Faith that this is what we are supposed to do to bring a child into the world. Faith and trust that the doctors know what they are doing. Faith that our prayers (and many others) are being heard. Faith that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us, for our family.

And when that faith starts to wane, to lack - that's when I rely on the faith of all of you. 

Thank you for your prayers. For your positive thoughts and intentions. But please, keep them coming.

"There is no obstacle to great, no challenge too difficult, if we have faith."  


Morgan said...

Not only am I sending faith, but I am a yogi-- so I am crossing fingers, toes, arms, legs, and even my spine is twisting for you! :)

Alecia said...

Prayers following you to Hawaii and beyond!

Devon said...

I'm excited and nervous for you. I will send all my thoughts and wishes of success your way. Have an amazing time relaxing in Hawaii - it's such a magical and healing place.