Thursday, December 8, 2011

I heart Giuliana - Molly

Giuliana and Bill Rancic

I love my mother. I love her a lot. But when I suffered my first miscarriage, I don't think she knew what to say or do. No one really knows, but when it's your mom, you just think they should/would know. But she didn't. It wasn't something she had ever experienced. In fact, if she knew she wanted a baby in May (like me), she just had sex every other day in August (of the previous year). And BOOM! Baby.

One day my mom called me and told me about Giuliana Rancic. My mom is a reality TV junkie and she had been watching Giuliana and Bill on the Style Network. The episode was when Giuliana had experienced her miscarriage and was in the process of counseling. The episode left my mother in tears and she called me. Finally, she had really understood what I had been feeling, what I had gone through and what I was currently going through.

I have to thank Giuliana and Bill for that. But also for so much more. I truly admire that Giuliana has put it all out there. Infertility often is a hush-hush topic. Miscarriage is even more hush-hush. Women just don't talk about it. Why? I don't know. I do know that a lot of shame is felt when you miscarry. A lot of blame is put upon oneself when they miscarry. We believe that it's OUR fault. That we did something to cause it. I still can't shake that feeling. That I did something, or am doing something to cause it and to keep pregnancy from happening.

Now imagine a TV crew filming. Giuliana's tv show filmed it all. They caught every tear, shred of anger and moments of humility. In the last season, she met with Dr. Schoolcraft of CCRM (my doctor) and was on her way into another IVF cycle. During her cycle, breast cancer was discovered and the cycle was halted. But she still didn't hide. She didn't retreat. She put it all out there. The whole world not only knows the status of her uterus, but of her breasts as well.

So you may think I'm crazy, but Giuliana and her husband Bill are (at the moment) my heros. I truly wish them the best and that their own little miracle will happen to them. Maybe I will run into them at the clinic. Maybe she'll read this blog and ask me to dinner. I would love to tell her, "THANK YOU! Thank you for breaking down the barrier and for making people listen, understand and realize the gift of a child, of being a parent - shouldn't ever be taken for granted."

Giuliana, if you read this - email me!

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