Sunday, November 20, 2011

This is me, Haylee


Bora Bora
Wedding 7-7-7

I grew up and went to college in Kansas City.  After college life and career opportunities led me to New York City, Houston, back to Kansas City and finally to Denver.  It was the first time I felt “at home”.  It was the place I truly began to grow as a person.  This is also the place where I met my husband, Joe.  We were married atop Keystone Mountain in a beautiful ceremony in 2007.   Over the years we have had many obstacles and losses come our way… hell, we have made some mistakes too, but one thing has always been for sure, our support and love for one another is everlasting. 
We decided before being married that once we were we wanted to have OUR time and do as many exciting and crazy things as possible….  And that we did.  Traveled, ate, played, shopped, traveled, ate, drank, played and traveled more… you get the picture!  And I cannot leave our “furkids” out of this story, 3 cool pooches- Meadow, Enzo & Kona (RIP Rocko).
In 2009 the decision was made to “pull the goalie”- this was a big deal.  Actually, Joe didn’t believe me when I said lets go for it.    So here we are thinking, ya, this will be great it will probably take a couple months or so and all will be good, just like everyone else, right?  At 6 months of trying and nothing my OB suggested we look into having some fertility testing done, just to be sure.  I reluctantly made the call and set up an appointment.  The appointment was for 6 months out!  Holy shit.  I kept thinking FOR SURE something would happen between that time and the appointment ….  Not so much.  We were lucky though (insert smile) Dr. M was able to get us in in 4.5 months instead of 6.   Testing began and we found out there was no chance we could get pregnant on our own without surgery.
After the tests results I quit my full time job to focus on everything that had to be done.  In addition to my full time job I was also teaching yoga on the side, so when I quit my job I switched to teaching & coaching as much as I could.  Yoga is where I met Molly.  At this point NO ONE besides a couple close friends, my Dad & little brother knew what was going on.  Molly had been to a few of my classes so I knew who she was, but I never really had a chance to talk to her.  Once we had a chance to talk, I liked her, she was cool.  Then came “that day”…. 
I had probably gone back to teaching a wee bit too soon after the first surgeries, but I was tired of laying around and ready to get back in the classroom…  thus I had a limp and was really uncomfortable.  No one seemed to notice (I was in the clear I thought), but she did… bluntly (I love blunt people) she said, “What’s going on with you, are you ok?”…. to that I had NOTHING- I thought this was MY secret no one would know outside of my “circle”… then I thought I could get by with saying, “Oh I had surgery” (usually this makes people feel uncomfortable, not so much with Molly).  She followed with, “On what”? 
NOW WHAT THE F do you say?  So what did I say?   “My uterus”….  And that is the where our friendship began.

I used to not be a huge believer in the reasons why people come into your life.  Honestly though, I have made the transformation to believe this 100%.  Everyone does truly come into your life for a reason.
Infertility really is a lonely and sometimes very scary place, even with support.  My hope is that from us opening our lives and sharing our stories you will find laughter, unconditional support and non judgment.    Unless of course you smoke crack and in this case you probably already have 5 kids and you don’t get my support… just sayin.  ;) 


emily said...

i just found your blog through kristen's facebook page.

thank you (and molly) so much for sharing this part of your lives w other women. women, both able and unable to conceive, will learn a lot from your journey and we will all be better with a little more understanding and honesty in our lives, especially in this arena. i admire your openness and courage.

thanks, also, to the two of you who have taught and led and adjusted and loved on me in class. you are great leaders and kind women and i am blessed to have received your warmth and energy that you two both give so generously.

STILL not pregnant said...

Thank you Emily! You are an amazing woman as well. I personally feel so blessed to know you. Much love to you and your little Ramona :)