Monday, November 28, 2011

"I want a new drug"- Haylee

Huey Lewis And The News wrote the song “I want a new drug”  Here is my version:
One that won't make me sick
One that won't make me dizzy
Or make me feel nuttier than a fruitcake or make my boobs feel like they could explode…..
Ok, all kidding aside, I really don’t want a new drug but I am currently on one.  I started Letrozole Friday morning.  I had been told the side effects (if any) are quite mild compared to Clomid.  Where do I sign?  Oh, right below the line acknowledging the warning that this “may cause birth defects”.  My husband and I did not take this particular release form well, however after research we were convinced it was the way to go. The Letrozole is proven to be better for the uterine lining and Dr. M uses this medication on a regular basis.  I am happy to report, so far only mild dizziness and yes, the mood swings are still with me.  This could be some back lash from being on birth control for 2 weeks.  Oh, I haven’t mentioned that yet??  Yes, thank God I was put on birth control; we were so worried we would get pregnant.  HA!

REWIND time line here and I will catch you up.  I was prescribed birth control due to a cyst in my left follicle.  This isn’t your normal cyst, but a water pocket inside the follicle that does not dissolve after ovulation thus preventing the follicle to totally close.  The fertility medication is the main cause for the cyst(s) and with one present you are not able to take any fertility medications until the cyst is gone.  If fertility meds are given the cyst could burst.  Yes, I said burst.  Doesn’t sound cool at all.  So, I developed a cyst this meant we were on our own to try for the month.  Once again sad I reminded myself, this could be the month for us.  Did you know how surprised I was when the pregnancy test came up negative?  Anyway, back to the office I go for another ultrasound.  Low and behold the luck keeps getting better, ANOTHER cyst (in the right follicle this time).  I am not going to lie, I pretty much lost my shit.  How is this possible??  I didn’t take any fertility meds??  Why me?? Was there something I was doing to make these pesky things keep appearing is there something I could do so I wouldn’t have to deal with them ever again? Etc etc.  I was told the cysts (even without fertility meds) are quite common in all women.   They do not prevent you from getting pregnant they prevent you from taking fertility medication.  There is nothing including stress that makes you more prone to getting cysts, it is just something that happens.   Good to know.  I am still f’d in my girly parts.  Leaving the office with my prescription for birth control in hand it was the first time I didn’t cry.  I couldn’t wrap my head around what was going on.  I was VERY angry.  An anger I had yet to experience.  Luckily, my husband, family and amazing group of friends were there to listen to me vent over a nice bottle of red wine.  Mmmmm. 
Fast forward to my next appointment, birth control worked- no more pesky cysts!  Whoot!

So now that you are totally caught up, just a couple more days on the Letrozole and back for another ultrasound to check out those (hopefully) fiery large beautiful follicles.  This will be our last round of IUI before we sit down with Dr. M and discuss her plans for IVF with us.  Clearly, it is our hope we don’t make it to that particular face to face meeting (though we love Dr. M).  We hope it is a different type of face to face meeting.

It is hard for me to remember what it feels like to not be on fertility meds and hormones.  My husband and I did take about 3 months off this summer in hopes to clear everything out of my body medication wise, take the stress away from the appointments, tests, sticks, pricking, prodding and not to mention that amazing “must have” sex we had moved into.  Nothing was as spontaneous anymore and it was saddening.  Our hope was to be one of “those people” and just get pregnant on our own.  You know, step 1- go to a bar get completely wasted, step 2- go home & shag your faces off- boom! Step 3-  BABY! 
Clearly, none of the above worked.
Cheers though, I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel.  I also know how much I do have to be thankful for.  I hold that close and each day these things are what keep me smiling. 

“A day without laughter is a day wasted”- Charlie Chaplin

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

haylee, i haven't read a post yet of yours that hasn't left me laughing out loud.
of course my heart is breaking for you that you are not yet prego, but oh my are cracking me up! i love how candid you are!