Sunday, March 3, 2013

When Is It Enough? - Molly

This question has been on my mind today. So many women I have met through this process are in the thick of things right now. So it led me to the question - when is it enough?

I believe the answer to this question is different for every woman, couple and situation. No one should be able to tell another - "you're done" or "give up".

One thing I have learned throughout my journey is that we are not in charge. No matter what we do, how many times we try, how much we hope, pray or is not up to US. I believe that once an individual can grasp that concept, once a couple can finally realize their fate is not in their hands, but in the hands of the Lord - they become one step closer to finding their "enough".

Most of the women (I know because it was me at one point) refuse to give up or give in. We want to move full steam ahead. We want, no we have to, "keep trying". This is where we tend to leave others behind. We forget this is a team effort and both people have to be on board. We see only our desire for success, feel only our hurt and anguish of the process and refuse to wave the flag. We don't want anyone else, but ourselves, to define our "enough".

And I truly believe, every woman, man and couple, struggling with infertility, needs to come to terms with their "enough". And they need to realize there will be a point when they just need to lay it all down, wave their little white flag and have faith that it will work out (however it works out) and that they will be okay.

Infertility procedures and drugs are not cheap. Most people abolish savings, 401Ks, inheritances, house payments and any excess cash flows trying to bring a baby into the world.
Some people endure multiple surgeries or medical procedures. Others inject various drugs, sometimes experimental. While some couples opt for more natural processes like acupuncture, herbs, temping, ovulation kits, supplements, oils, diet changes - none are proven and again, can be ridiculously expensive.

When is it enough?

Everyone has a breaking point.
Everyone has a limit to the amount of heartache and heartbreak that they can take.

Discovering your "enough" is a tearful journey full of extreme highs and ultimate lows. It is truly a process. But it is a process that you have to give boundaries to. This struggle, journey, process cannot define you our your relationship. It is here we learn to accept. And sometimes we have to accept without any true understanding of the why or the when.

Today I am 6 weeks. I have so far to go. But I have accepted this new journey. We have created our boundaries. And together, we have established our "enough".

I have led a very blessed life. And I have children I will raise one day. The Lord may bless me with one on this Earth, whether it be through me, another or even through adoption. We know our options. We know our limits. We are content with our "enough".

Discover your "enough". Sit down with your partner and draw out your boundaries. Get on the same page. Refuse to give up or give in, but be reasonable. Count your many blessings. Feel secure in knowing that the Lord will not let you suffer.

Have faith. Have courage. Have hope.
And at the end of the day, know that you have done all you can.
You have given it your all.
And that is truly....enough.

1 comment:

Wife of a Wounded Soldier said...

Great post! I set firm boundaries on my enough. I would not do IVF as it wasn't for me. I said 6 IUIs max. After the 4th IUI with injectables I had enough. People thought I would do more go further but at point I couldn't do it anymore. I had lost who I was. I ended up pregnant naturally the very next month. God knows our enough. I'm thankful he has provided you this gift. I am praying for a healthy pregnancy for you.