A BIG SIGH - Molly

Yes, today brought a big sigh of relief, but it also brought unexpected tears. As unattached as I try to stay, today made it all so real. This is happening and I have no control of what is to come.

Jason had work in Utah and there was going to be an attempt to FaceTime, but it did not work out. It didn't really bother me that he couldn't be there. We have done this dog and pony show before - too many times. The ultrasound I actually WANT him there is the gender reveal. Luckily, my good friend Erica was able to hold my hand with me.

I think what made this ultrasound so nerve racking was that I KNOW what to look for. I KNOW how to read the screen. I KNOW what should be there and I KNOW what an unsuccessful ultrasound looks like (miscarriage #3). So as soon as the probe went in, I was glued to the screen looking for that little flicker.

And there it was.

Our little grain of sand is working its way into a pearl.

our future pearl

Heart rate came in at 124. And everything measured in on schedule. Due late October (hopefully). Just slightly to the right of the yolk sac (hard to see in this pic), there is a small separation of the sac to the uterine wall. This is a small bleed. Common in IVF they say. This bleed, or this type of bleed, is what was present in my last IVF cycle, but it was much bigger originally. And it never healed. The blood continued to pool, ultimately causing the separation of the placenta, aka, placental abruption. This bleed can every reason to heal on its own. This is my hope. They have instructed me to keep my activity level low still, and when I go in for the 8 week ultrasound, they hope to see it shrink and/or disappear. My hope is that the addition of blood thinners allows for that healing to take place and/or if it continues, keep the blood moving so that it doesn't pool, clot and cause the separation.

Heavy stuff.

So my job is to take it easy. I can walk. I can do errands. I can still live my life, but I have to take the time to rest. I cannot overexert myself, lift anything too heavy and I need to keep an eye on my bathroom tissues. They also ruled out activities with my husband for a while longer. Sigh.

thank you thank you thank you

Today my phone was on fire. My Facebook and Instagram were a constant ping in my purse. I was so blessed to have more than "one small thought" coming my way. Family, friends, people and acquaintances have been more than kind. They changed my whole day. They have changed this whole experience. Every phone call, text, email, FB or Instagram comment, message, prayer, positive thought/vibe - made my eyes swell today. I really appreciate the constant and continued support.

I have a lot of hurdles to get over still. But I am not running this race alone. I feel the surge of love and support pushing up and over each one. Thank you so much.

Next step? Ultrasound at CCRM during the week of the 18th and appointment at the perinatologist to start blood thinners. I don't have exact dates yet, need to place some calls tomorrow, but I will keep you posted.

Promise.

Until then? I am going to ask for every prayer to be directed towards this small bleed. I need it to heal I need the little sac to continue to attach and get stronger. I need my hormones to regulate themselves so that I can be slowly weaned off the excess drugs. I need my body to be able to do this on its own. These are the things I am going to ask the Lord for everyday. These are the things that will possibly allow this pregnancy to continue and for us to walk away from this in October with our little pearl.