Here we are less than 3 weeks until our transfer date.
Gut check time.
(well, early gut check time)
This past weekend Jason swept me away to Scottsdale for a work trip.
The sunshine, quiet, peace - did me good.
I was thinking about everything, but not actually thinking about everything (that make sense?).
Four days by the pool, well, it's good for you.
While I was by the pool, my little patch of estrogen was along for the ride.
And it just hit me.
And my little white flag started to raise.
I am so done with this.
Done with shots, patches, appointments, blood draws, tests, ups, downs, calendars, charting, drugs, pills, vitamins......
I am not giving up hope or looking for praise (or sympathy).
And we are not canceling this cycle.
I just realized...that I am done.
Or I am ready....to be done.
I have a wonderful life.
I have an exquisite husband, who is my best friend, the love of my life and who cares for me more than I could ever ask for.
I have good friends, loving family, a fun job and...
a gorgeous pup who I am crazy for.
I am going to give this round my all, my best, my everything.
But I am not going to let this struggle, this trial, steal my identity.
Jason and I have our "plan" if it works, if it doesn't.
We know our next steps.
We support each other in those next steps.
But I am not going beat myself up anymore.
I am going to smile.
I am going to laugh.
I am going to enjoy my life....
all of my life.
I look forward to the next few weeks.
I am looking forward to this transfer.
And I have faith that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, for us and our family.
Gut check time.