Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Gut Check - Molly

Here we are less than 3 weeks until our transfer date.

Gut check time. 
(well, early gut check time)

This past weekend Jason swept me away to Scottsdale for a work trip.
The sunshine, quiet, peace - did me good.

I was thinking about everything, but not actually thinking about everything (that make sense?).
Four days by the pool, well, it's good for you.
While I was by the pool, my little patch of estrogen was along for the ride.

And it just hit me.
And my little white flag started to raise.

I am so done with this.
Done with shots, patches, appointments, blood draws, tests, ups, downs, calendars, charting, drugs, pills, vitamins......

I am not giving up hope or looking for praise (or sympathy).

And we are not canceling this cycle.

I just realized...that I am done.
Or I am ready....to be done.

I have a wonderful life.
I have an exquisite husband, who is my best friend, the love of my life and who cares for me more than I could ever ask for.

I have good friends, loving family, a fun job and...
a gorgeous pup who I am crazy for.
I am going to give this round my all, my best, my everything.
But I am not going to let this struggle, this trial, steal my identity.

Jason and I have our "plan" if it works, if it doesn't.
We know our next steps.
We support each other in those next steps.

But I am not going beat myself up anymore.

I am going to smile.
I am going to laugh.
I am going to enjoy my life....
all of my life.

I look forward to the next few weeks. 

I am looking forward to this transfer.

And I have faith that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, for us and our family.


Gut check time.


1 comment:

Megan Brink said...

Constantly praying for you! I also want to thank you for your support and advice through the last several months. It has truly been a pleasure getting to know you and hearing your journey a long the way. You are such a strong, amazing person!