Wednesday, December 12, 2012

My Prayer to the Lord - Molly

Today I received an email (comment) on the blog that prompted me to speak out loud and directly to my Heavenly Father.

I speak out loud to my Heavenly Father quite a bit, mostly while on long walks with Penny. When we are outdoors, in the beauty of the Earth, it just feels appropriate. And most times, I am alone, and poor Penny gets tired of hearing my problems. Sometimes she needs a break.

To respect this wonderful woman, I did not publish her comment. Instead, I will keep it for myself, to remind me of what I am doing and who I am doing it for.

I will share the comment, but just edit it to respect her medical history and overall privacy.

To this wonderful woman who wrote it - THANK YOU, keep reading and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well.

Hi Molly,

I have been reading your blog for a while, but never commented. Trying to hold back these tears as I respond to your post. It helps to know that someone out there understand my hurt and disappointment. My husband and I have chosen not to share our experience with anyone to avoid the tears, look of pity from our loved ones so we provide support for one another. Even if we did share, no one can truly understand what we're going through because we don't have anyone in our family dealing with infertility. It is understandable for people to ask us, when are we going to have baby. If only they knew its just not that easy for us. Thanks for creating this blog. To a degree when I read it, I feel like your my voice because our experiences are similar.

I was sitting in my car, in the parking lot at the studio, when I read this email. And with a broken heart and contrite spirit, I spoke these words to my Heavenly Father...

"Heavenly Father, if you need me to be their voice, I will do it. But please Heavenly Father, let me also be their hope." 

I still struggle with my own journey and why I have been (and to continue to still be) tested, challenged and tried. But there are moments or glimmers when I realize that maybe, just maybe I am not in this solely for myself, but for all those other women out there who struggle in silence. For the women who cry behind closed doors, who smile even when they are dying inside and for the women who just want the experience of being a mother.

I am all of these women.

So to all of these women - I hear you.

And I hope for you.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Molly,

This is meant more as a personal comment to you than to be published, but I am grateful for you.

I have two sisters, a sister in law, and a close cousin (that I know of) that struggle with infertility and not being able to have children. None of them talk about it, at least not to me. I know I don't know what they are going through and so much of the time I am at a loss...not knowing what to say or how to help or if my being there at all is more painful than it is worth...
I appreciate so much your open honesty helping me better understand them.
I hope for you, just as I hope for them. In one instance (so far) it hasn't been in vain. After seven years of infertility and the treatments that come with it my cousin was able to have a baby.
Whenever it happens for you (I know, like you, that in this world or the next you will raise your babies) I'm excited for you and for the children who will have a mother that never takes them for granted.
Thank you for being a voice.