Today I received an email (comment) on the blog that prompted me to speak out loud and directly to my Heavenly Father.
I speak out loud to my Heavenly Father quite a bit, mostly while on long walks with Penny. When we are outdoors, in the beauty of the Earth, it just feels appropriate. And most times, I am alone, and poor Penny gets tired of hearing my problems. Sometimes she needs a break.
To respect this wonderful woman, I did not publish her comment. Instead, I will keep it for myself, to remind me of what I am doing and who I am doing it for.
I will share the comment, but just edit it to respect her medical history and overall privacy.
To this wonderful woman who wrote it - THANK YOU, keep reading and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well.
I have been reading your blog for a while, but never
commented. Trying to hold back these tears as I respond to your post. It
helps to know that someone out there understand my hurt and
disappointment. My husband and I have chosen not to
share our experience with anyone to avoid the tears, look of pity from
our loved ones so we provide support for one another. Even if we did
share, no one can truly understand what we're going through because we
don't have anyone in our family dealing with infertility. It is
understandable for people to ask us, when are we going to have baby. If
only they knew its just not that easy for us. Thanks for
creating this blog. To a degree when I read it, I feel like your my
voice because our experiences are similar.
I was sitting in my car, in the parking lot at the studio, when I read this email. And with a broken heart and contrite spirit, I spoke these words to my Heavenly Father...
"Heavenly Father, if you need me to be their voice, I will do it. But please Heavenly Father, let me also be their hope."
I still struggle with my own journey and why I have been (and to continue to still be) tested, challenged and tried. But there are moments or glimmers when I realize that maybe, just maybe I am not in this solely for myself, but for all those other women out there who struggle in silence. For the women who cry behind closed doors, who smile even when they are dying inside and for the women who just want the experience of being a mother.
I am all of these women.
So to all of these women - I hear you.
And I hope for you.