Grateful and Thankful Day 26 & 27 - Molly

Yesterday (Monday) was wicked cold. It looked like it could snow, then it sort of did snow, then we had a bit of rain. All in all, it was just nasty out. But the cold weather made me very grateful for a little invention (thanks to Lululemon) called "thumbholes".

I am grateful that Lululemon puts these thumbholes in all of their tops, not just the yoga stuff. I am thankful that my husband loves Lulu as much as I do, so he is more than happy to spend on it, because it is not cheap.

Who would have thought such a small little thing would be so incredibly nice during cold weather. And they are quite fashionable!

Day 27:

The day isn't over with, but I am already grateful and thankful for so many things.

Most of all I am grateful and thankful for our insurance today, which I guess makes me grateful and thankful for the wonderful company my husband works for.

Today we met with Dr. Schoolcraft at CCRM.

It was hard pulling into the parking lot this morning, especially knowing I could have been 3 weeks away from having a baby.

But with all of those emotions aside, we finally decided our next steps.

We will be doing IVF again.

We are starting the work-up in the next few weeks with a hopeful transfer date in mid-January.

This decision came with a lot of peace, despite the fears and the tears.

We will be accompanying this transfer with the use of blood thinners with the hope that that is the "special sauce" (as Dr. Schoolcraft called it) to allow me to carry a baby full-term.

Jason and I have called this move a "win-win".

Either we will be successful and our end result will be one or maybe two babies.

Or we will know, for sure, what our next steps will be (gestational carrier, adoption or we end it all).

Either way, we will know. 100% sure. And that will be such a relief.

How is Jason feeling?

He is fearful, but only for my benefit.

He worries about my health, my safety, my emotional state.

But he too, feels at peace with this decision.

We have already been through the worst of things and we know we can get through it.

How am I feeling?

As much as I would love to have someone else carry for me, there is still no guarantee. And I cannot place that sort of pressure/expectation on anyone else right now.

I have to try.

I have to know.

I know what it feels to lose a baby.

I know how to deal with it.

And I would love to know what it's like to carry a baby, deliver a baby, be a mother.

All of those feelings outweigh my fears.

I have to try.

So we are taking it one day at a time.

My work-up will start within the next week or so.

And thanks to insurance, our costs are minimal.

And for that, I am so, so, so very grateful and thankful.

Here we go again.