Friday, September 7, 2012

Three Words - Molly

Last night I got a text from a friend I hadn't heard from for a while. Even though we don't speak often or lately, I was so glad that she felt she could reach out to me. In her text she informed me that someone she worked with was having fertility problems. Sadly, she and her husband had been through IVF and the embryo hadn't implanted. 

My heart broke for this young couple. 

My friend asked that if her friend needed to chat that maybe she contact me. I told her I would help in any way possible and to let me know.

As I drove home last night, I thought about this couple and all of the feelings they were experiencing at this moment. 

Even though our stories are different and are circumstances might be even broader, I felt connected to this woman. I hope she reaches out. Until then, I hope this blog post reaches her in some way.

I stumbles across this story in my Twitter feed.
A few weeks ago my husband and I met some if his friends for dinner. One of the wives, who I had only met a few times, had just announced that she was pregnant so there was a lot of baby chit-chat going on as we waited for our table. For some reason, though, I noticed her trying to change the subject every time someone asked her a question about her pregnancy. She almost seemed a little uncomfortable about it. But, I didn’t give it much thought and just let her steer the conversation where she wanted it to go.

When we finally sat down, I found myself sitting next to the pregnant girl, who was still pretty quiet. As the conversation started around us, she put her hand on my arm and proceeded to let me know that she didn’t want to bring up a sore subject, but she had heard from her husband about our recent failed IVF attempts and she just wanted to let me know she was always thinking about us and that she was sorry we were struggling. I’m very open person so it didn’t bother me at all to talk about it, but I couldn’t help notice my eyes starting to well up a little because she was genuinely so concerned. And then she said something I will never forget: “it just sucks.” Never have 3 words summed up an entire situation so perfectly. 

What really struck me about this exchange is how honest and refreshing it was to have someone just tell it like it is. She didn’t stay silent or try to make me feel better with the usual “comforting” comments like “it’s just not the right time for you” or “maybe you just need to stop thinking about it and it will happen” or (my personal favorite) “you can always adopt” (yes, we “infertile myrtles” are all well aware that adoption is an option and some of us will adopt, but many women really want to experience having a child or two of their own. And there is nothing wrong with that!). I completely understand that sometimes people are trying their best to be sympathetic and their intentions are good. But, this girl just made me realize that in this situation, as well as other tough situations people are dealing with, sometimes you just want someone to acknowledge a situation for what it really is, instead of trying to explain it away or pretending it’s not there. 

So the next time you are talking to someone who is struggling with infertility or some other tough issue, acknowledge it, whether you understand it or not. Do them a favor and give them a pat on the arm (or even better, a hug) and let them know you are thinking about them and are sorry they have to struggle. Don’t try to explain it (chances are you can’t!). Simply admit that it just sucks. They will thank you.

 I can't sum it up any better. 


It's hard to be in any position when dealing with infertility- whether you are the friend or the one struggling. There are never the right words to express - but IT JUST SUCKS works perfectly fine in my book.

We can't begin to UNDERSTAND why some people experience pregnancy and why others must suffer infertility and loss. All I know that is Heavenly Father's Plan is a perfect one and we cannot continue to drag ourselves through the muck of the past, but we must start to try to ACCEPT what could and will be ahead of us. 
from three words find four - IT WILL WORK OUT!

1 comment:

Olivia Stipe Manke said...

Exactly! I understand this sentiment very well.