And as I continue my quest into parenthood, I have realized that there is a lot of work to be done - on my part. I recently read "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin (if you haven't yet, pick it up). And I was struck by the fact that a woman who virtually seemed to have everything (marriage, kids, good job), still wasn't completely happy. I respected that she recognized this in herself. And thus the idea for my new quest started to take form.
Being a mother and parent is what I long for. My body and bones ache at the thought. My clock ticks. I get wrapped up and consumed by trying to get pregnant, when it will happen, how (that's still up in the air) and if it ever will. I spend minutes, hours and days letting these thoughts and emotions entangle me.
But then I realized, that is not what will make me happy. It will help. It is part of the overall picture. But real happiness has so many other factors involved. There are so many other areas in my life that need and deserve just as much attention. If I could find a way to devote as much energy as I do worrying about pregnancy to other things (friends, family, faith, marriage, health, work, fun), then maybe just maybe, I would truly be happy and content.
The facts are that being a parent MIGHT not be in the cards for me. That idea is hard to understand and to accept. I'm not there yet.
"You must first accept, before you can understand."
Thank you Elder Maxwell. I may never understand what the Lord has in store for me, but I am going to accept that He knows what he is doing and what is best for me. One day I hope to understand, but until then, I am going to improve every aspect of my life that I can so that I truly be happy.
I will unveil the start of my new journey this weekend. It may or may not result in a new blog. (still thinking about it)
There is an "I" in happiness, but it starts with me.