I have been thinking about what I have been wanting to write about. There is not a lot new. My period did start exactly one month from the day we lost Grace. Even though my body has its "issues", it sure doesn't have a hard time being regular. We met with Dr. Schoolcraft before I left and his thoughts coincided with my perinatologist - try again (with the use of blood thinners) or use a gestational carrier. I have been trying to process that information all week. Even though I was prepared for that answer, it was still really hard to hear. It has been confirmed that it is no longer an issue with embryos, but an uterine issue.
A uterine issue.
My uterus is the issue.
That was hard to hear.
Again, he said we could try ourselves, but it was no guarantee. He likened it to throwing darts. We might hit the target using blood thinners (I have no known clotting disorder) or we might be in this situation again.
Jack was perfect, Grace was perfect and our little frozen popsicles are perfect. It seems very selfish of me to "try" again knowing it could be a shot in the dark, but the use of a gestational carrier is not an easy answer either. There are many factors involved, ones that I would have never considered before.
After seeking some counsel from our Bishop at church, we have decided we need to take some more time to make these decisions. In actuality, I need more time. I need to understand the plan that the Lord has for us and for our eternal family and I need to be willing to really listen to what is the right way to proceed. I have my own selfish wants and desires, but I need to be open to the possibility that His plan may be different.
So for now we are backing off from any decisions.
|I am trying....|