Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Will I Ever Be Able to Truly Say Thank You?

There are no gifts, no words, no surprises that can ever match what Ashley is doing for us.

My heart is so full that it wants to explode and I just don't know how to really handle and process it all.

So many people, from so many places, within our many communities - family, friends, people from church, the gym, the neighborhood, on social media, that we know, we come in brief contact with and even people we have never met - have all come together in prayer, in hope, belief, positive thoughts, energy, well wishes  - all for the love of these babies, Ashley and our journey.

That is a lot.

In a good way.

But it weighs on me.


Will I ever be able to truly say thank you?

No blog or Facebook post, no Instagram shot or Thank You card will ever completely capture how I am feeling on the inside. 

Most days just the thought of it all leaves me in tears (happy tears) because I know ALL of this HAS been possible because of SO many. It's a feeling that overflows in my heart and lightens my soul. It burns and keeps me warm. It pulls and reminds me that we have been blessed.

But I worry.

I worry it isn't enough.

I worry that people will feel that I am UN-grateful or that now that I have want I want - I don't need anything or anyone else.

 I worry that my actions will be construed as ungrateful if I don't write back faster enough, text fast enough, post enough pictures, put the babes in the right outfits, use the gifts we've been given, allow them to be held. 

There is nothing I want more than to share these precious miracles with the world.
I am so excited to have these babies meet and know EACH person who took part in bringing them safely to Earth.

I want the babes to feel the deep love that so many already have for them.
I want to see their incredible journey and to know that they are special, that they are meant to be here.

That they have a purpose.

But I also want to close my doors and windows, turn off all connections to the social world and just hold them. 

 I want us to just be US for a while. 
Because each and every day, I am sure for a long time, I will look at them and be amazed that they truly are mine. That Heavenly Father heard every prayer and blessed Ashley with the strength to bring them to us. 

To be honest, I don't know how I am going to feel come Friday. I might be OVER-posting. You might have to block me. I might be so high on emotion that you will have to tell me to back off.

But just in case, if I do fade out for a bit, or delay posts, or don't respond quickly or even hide them away for a while...

please, please, PLEASE don't think for one minute it is because I am ungrateful.

I will be forever grateful.

I AM forever grateful. 

And the only way I know that I can truly show HOW grateful I am, is to be the best mother I can be.

PS: most likely? You won't be able to stop me from sharing every minute of every moment. I will break the internet. Kim Kardashian has nothing on me.

1 comment:

Melissa and Joseph said...

You must be a bundle of nerves right now! I remember the day before our twins came trying to stay busy but time just crawled! We're praying for you, and I can't wait to see a thousand pictures of your cutie!