Catch-Up: The Phone Call

 "If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. The Savior has even promised angels on our left and right, to bear us up. And He always keeps his word."
- Henry B. Eyring


For the last two years we have stood still. 

We didn't talk about baby. We didn't look at a calendar. We didn't count days. No measures were taken to "try".

We just lived life.
We loved each other.
We loved the life we had created and we asked Heavenly Father to soften our hearts and help us find peace.

And peace is what he gave US
Peace is what He gave ME.

My mind, spirit and heart were eased.
My burdens felt lifted.
 For the past two years I felt like I was finally myself again.

And I had missed me.

And even though we stood still, we stayed busy.

We worked out.

I got new certifications.

Jason got an MBA.

We traveled.

We adventured.

We slept in.

We ate out.

We accepted new callings at church.

We served.

We were aunts and uncles.

We were friends.

We were just.....US.

We LIVED.

And it was FABULOUS.

But around last summer, I knew we had to start "thinking" about our last 2 embryos in the freezer. We had made a commitment to "use them all" and we had to start outlining the what, when, how etc.

We talked about all the various ways we could approach it.

I could try again. 

We could hire someone.

We could ask a friend.
We could ask a family member.

We could just walk away.

Once again, so many options. So many pros and cons. So many outcomes. 

So overwhelming. 

So we started with one idea and prayed and fasted to see how the Lord would guide us. 

And slowly we made our way down the list.

Then one day, as we drove home from another EPIC adventure, we made the decision to make a phone call. 

Just one more phone call. 

To ask for help.

We called Jason's sister, Ashley.

We tried to approach it very business like. We didn't want to get too many emotions involved.
And we didn't want any pressure added to the already tender situation.

You see, we had made this phone call once before. 

After losing Grace in 2012.

My heart was shattered and I called my sister in law and pleaded to her.
I pleaded to have her carry my baby.

And she declined.

I know that was the hardest decision she has ever had to make and I vowed to never ask her again. 
I didn't want to ruin the wonderful relationship we had built. 
I didn't want to burden her or her family with OUR trials. 

But this time felt different. 

The timing felt different.
The situation was different.
 

Our lives had changed.
Her life and her family's lives had changed.
Time had passed.
And I believe the Lord had soften - all of us.

So I felt prompted to ask ONE MORE TIME.

Why her?
Why not someone else?

Well, you would have to know Ashley to understand why I would want her to carry our baby.

First, she's family and it seemed like a situation that would be so incredible if we could keep it close to home.

Second, she fit the bill - medically speaking. There are SO many factors that have to be considered. It's not just "having a perfect pregnancy".

Last and most important, her heart and spirit were in the right place. 
They have always been in the right place.

There was no one I admired more than her. Not only as the person she is, but as the mother she is. 

I could trust her.

And I knew that if she had enough faith to believe in this process that Heavenly Father would bless us and that His plan would come to fruition, whatever the actual outcome was.

So we called. 

We asked.

Then we waited.

And to be honest, my expectation was low.

I think I was preparing myself - just in case.

Two weeks later, she said yes.

My heart skipped.
And I felt a lightness I had never felt before.

We had a chance.

We finally had a plan.

We were going to try again.

Ashley (my angel) and I before the initial appointment 2/2015