To My Love...

To My Love....

Tonight is the last night of it just being us. Tomorrow starts a new chapter where you will be Dad and I will be Mom. Tomorrow everything changes. We will change. But I am not afraid of losing you or of losing us. Tomorrow we will be better. Stronger. More rooted.

Tomorrow we will become a family.

Thank you for working so hard to give us everything.
Thank you for never giving up on us or our family.
Thank you for being there for me when I was unable to be who I wanted to be.
Thank you for taking care of me when I was hurting.
Thank you for allowing me to grieve, but also for making me stand up and move forward.
Thank you for remembering each of our angels and missing them each day.
Thank you for being a worthy priesthood holder so that you could give me blessings to heal and have faith.
Thank you for having faith when I was lacking.
Thank you for each and every prayer.
Thank you for every wonderful adventure around the world and working so hard so we could use all the points and miles on celebrating us.
Thank you for pushing me into Crossfit. Working out with you is one of my favorite things to do.
Thank you for supporting me in different aspects of my career and allowing me to be a "stay at home wife".
Thank you for finding Penny and adding her to our lives. She made me a mama first and will always be our baby.
Thank you for loving her as you would a child and caring for her.
Thank you for supporting all of the foster and rescue dogs I brought in, even when they would poop on the floor.
Thank you for letting Penny have countless sleepovers with her friends and even allowing them to snuggle in the bed.
Thank you for sitting through countless doctor appointments, the good ones and the bad ones.
Thank you for wanting to find a way to bring these babies to Earth and giving up any dreams of owning a Maserati.
Thank you for making our house a home.
Thank you for your testimony and belief in our eternal family.

Thank you for loving me. All of me. The fat me, the skinny me, the crying me, the angry me, the scared me, the doubtful me, the tired me, the frustrated me......ALL OF ME.

You are my everything. You are my #1. Without you nothing is possible and without is not where I want to be.

I can't wait to see you as a father. I can't wait for our children to know you and your endless love for them. I can't wait to tell them how much you wanted them and how hard you worked to get them here.

Here's to a new chapter.
A new adventure.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Thank you for everything.

Love,

Me

Thank you for

Will I Ever Be Able to Truly Say Thank You?

There are no gifts, no words, no surprises that can ever match what Ashley is doing for us.

My heart is so full that it wants to explode and I just don't know how to really handle and process it all.

So many people, from so many places, within our many communities - family, friends, people from church, the gym, the neighborhood, on social media, that we know, we come in brief contact with and even people we have never met - have all come together in prayer, in hope, belief, positive thoughts, energy, well wishes  - all for the love of these babies, Ashley and our journey.

That is a lot.

In a good way.

But it weighs on me.

Heavy.

Will I ever be able to truly say thank you?

No blog or Facebook post, no Instagram shot or Thank You card will ever completely capture how I am feeling on the inside. 

Most days just the thought of it all leaves me in tears (happy tears) because I know ALL of this HAS been possible because of SO many. It's a feeling that overflows in my heart and lightens my soul. It burns and keeps me warm. It pulls and reminds me that we have been blessed.

But I worry.

I worry it isn't enough.

I worry that people will feel that I am UN-grateful or that now that I have want I want - I don't need anything or anyone else.

 I worry that my actions will be construed as ungrateful if I don't write back faster enough, text fast enough, post enough pictures, put the babes in the right outfits, use the gifts we've been given, allow them to be held. 

There is nothing I want more than to share these precious miracles with the world.

I am so excited to have these babies meet and know EACH person who took part in bringing them safely to Earth.

I want the babes to feel the deep love that so many already have for them.

I want to see their incredible journey and to know that they are special, that they are meant to be here.

That they have a purpose.

But I also want to close my doors and windows, turn off all connections to the social world and just hold them. 

 I want us to just be US for a while. 

Because each and every day, I am sure for a long time, I will look at them and be amazed that they truly are mine. That Heavenly Father heard every prayer and blessed Ashley with the strength to bring them to us. 

To be honest, I don't know how I am going to feel come Friday. I might be OVER-posting. You might have to block me. I might be so high on emotion that you will have to tell me to back off.

But just in case, if I do fade out for a bit, or delay posts, or don't respond quickly or even hide them away for a while...

please, please, PLEASE don't think for one minute it is because I am ungrateful.

I will be forever grateful.

I AM forever grateful. 

And the only way I know that I can truly show HOW grateful I am, is to be the best mother I can be.

PS: most likely? You won't be able to stop me from sharing every minute of every moment. I will break the internet. Kim Kardashian has nothing on me.

Waiting.....

This is the last week, last few days before the babies come. We are in the waiting game. Ashley is feeling great. Still working out. Still attending her meetings. Still being an awesome mom that plans birthday parties, baptisms and barbeques.

So now we wait.

My mother arrives on Wednesday. Jason finishes travel for work on Wednesday.

So we wait.

But we are having some fun while we wait.

Because You Asked.....

Again, I apologize for not keeping the blog up as much as I originally hoped. If you want information a bit quicker, you can follow me on Instagram at mollyo11 - pics, info will go there first. I hope to update the blog as soon as I have a free hand.

Over the past few weeks my inbox has filled up with some questions, concerns etc. So I am going to use this blog post to answer them.

This is not your normal pregnancy. There are SO many unknowns. You will know as soon as I know and there are so many things I will not know until the moment I need to.

But because you asked......

1) Breastfeeding? 
I will not breastfeed. Yes, I know I could if I wanted. And as much as I appreciate everyone encouraging me, offering their services to me - I WILL NOT BE BREASTFEEDING. This was an easy decision to make. Once I knew I would not be carrying, I resigned to the fact that I will not have this experience.
Over the past 5 years I have put so many different things into my body. Natural, unnatural. I have NO desire to put any more in it. If I was having ONE baby, maybe I would consider it. MAYBE. But with TWO babies, NO. I will not breastfeed. Ashley is willing to pump while we are here and we will just do our best to give them the best for as long as we can. I also have been very blessed to have had SO many wonderful women donate their extra supply to me. I hope to use it. All of it. But most likely my babies will be formula fed.

2) Co-Sleeping? 
No. Again, not with TWO babies. Will they sleep in my room? MAYBE. But in a pack and play, rock and play, Mamaroo or the DockATot. Not in OUR BED. One reason? It scares me. Another? Our bed is Penny's bed. She needs HER space too.

3) Reusable diapers?
No. The cost is not substantial enough to be worth the effort. I don't want to do ANYMORE laundry. 

4) Fly or Drive?
Our original plan was to drive home with the babies after a few weeks, but after the drive earlier this month took us almost 3 days (and that was minus babies), we are toying with having my mother flying the babies back with me while he drives. Obviously, we have to see what the doctor says and how the babies health is. Is it ideal? No it's not. But this is not your average situation. Are there germs? Yes. I am having to learn to let go of some things and this is one of them. 

5) The birth. Vaginal? C-Section?
Here is THE PLAN. We will have a C-section on Friday, January 29th here is South Carolina at 730am. The boy is head down and the girl is still sideways. It was the best decision to just go ahead with a C-section so that the delivery can be swift and seamless. Jason and I hope to be in the room, but usually it is limited to ONE person and I want Ashley to have her husband by her side during surgery. I am happy to wait with Jason and have our babies brought to us, together. I don't feel that I will be missing out on something. Our experience will be different, it is different. I am going to look forward to the moments that we will have that others would not have.


All in all, I really appreciate all the kind thoughts, concerns, well wishes and advice. To be honest, I am a bit overwhelmed with it all because everything just depends......

There are so many unknown factors since I am not the one that is pregnant. We are not at home having these babies. So we just have to take things ONE STEP AT A TIME.

I have had a hard time relinquishing control. But I am slowly learning to LET GO and just see how things go. We need to see how healthy they are. We need to see if there will be NICU time or not. We need to do what is best for the babies. And for us.

Thank you for understanding. 
  

TEAM EFFORT

My mom stuck around after our shower last weekend to help me finish things off in the nursery.

I WAS organized, at one point.

Then...it all just came...so fast.

I couldn't keep up.

This is what she walked into.

Just lots of stuff, everywhere.
So much stuff.

Her jaw hit the floor.
We had our work cut out for us.

So after lots of returns, exchanges, purchases, more returns, more purchases, we finally got everything in order.

PS- bedding made by Mom

Some of my most creative and talented friends stopped over today to help with the finishing touches.
I was so grateful for the extra hands.
I hosted a little lunch as a thank you and kept everyone busy for a few hours!

I still can't believe there is a nursery in my house and that one day, soon, there will be little babies inside of it.

The last time I set up a nursery was 7 years ago.
I've been scared to set one up again ever since.

Today....made me smile.

Babies, you are so loved.

Big thank you to everyone who helped make this room possible.

Especially you Mom.
I love you.

35 Weeks!

35 WEEKS!

Rocking that twin baby bump!

   

I thought the shirt above was an appropriate one.

I can't wait to see people's faces when she goes to the hospital.

Remember, they live in the South! 

LOL!

WE'RE NOT WORTHY!

So...we had our 4th shower after we got back from Puerto Rico.

That's like 2 showers per baby, so I don't feel too overindulged.

We were very blessed to have the babies and Ashley hold out another week so we could have our last shower. With the holiday season it was difficult to find the time to celebrate, so we were very lucky this shower didn't turn into a Sip & See that happens in March.

 My sweet friends that were in charge of the shower told ME/US nothing of what was going to happen.

Nothing about decor, food, games etc.

Little did Jason and I know that the party we walked into on Saturday would be so amazingly perfect.

It was gorgeous.

 

The setting - an art gallery in our local Art District.

The food - Italian meatball/sub/salad/charcuterie bar (Jason was in heaven).

 

The drinks - Italian sodas for me, Dr. Pepper for Jason.

The desserts - Swig-style cookies, homemade caramel fountain with homemade marshmallows, meringues, apple slices, cookies for dipping. Chicago Mix popcorn. 

Table Decor -  white. Clean. Stars that lit up. Gorgeous flower arrangements. Real table settings, no plastic. Everything just glowed. Sparkled. Shimmered. Each table had various colored candies on it to indicate where you sat so that mingling was promoted.

 

 

The details - a running slideshow of pics/blog posts of our whole journey. Anyone could sit and just read through our 7 year journey. It was sobering at times. It was sweet. It brought back a lot of memories, a lot of emotions. Fun get to know you games where we stole people's babies. Tag Dance. The pregnancy version of the Newlywed Game. A little art station where people could paint little canvases of our nursery theme - The Hungry Caterpillar. 

But the highlight...the surprise...the tear jerker was when the Skyped Ashley into the shower and projected her up on a giant wall.

Everyone got to meet her. Cheer her on. Thank her. We got to thank her. She got to be a part of this wonderful evening - an evening that wouldn't have ever happened without her.

Not a dry eye in the house.

I felt very unworthy of such a delicate and thoughtful shower.

I, We feel very blessed to have such thoughtful, creative, willing and compassionate friends who devoted a lot of time, effort and money to make our evening ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.

I didn't need 4 showers. 

But I feel so incredibly blessed that so many people WANTED to celebrate this miraculous journey. 

I am so humbled by the acceptance and excitement that everyone has shown us the last 9 months.

I am so appreciate of everyone WHO came, especially those who traveled to it!
(My parents and good friend Lyssa.)

I feel so lucky that I felt so much love, from so many people, on so many occasions. 

To everyone, from every shower - THANK YOU!