Bat in the Cave, 10 weeks - Molly

This is our ultrasound picture from last week at 10 weeks. I am going in again today, but not sure if I will get a picture. This is the first pic that really looks like a baby and not a blob.

Our Bat - 10 weeks

New Look - Molly and Haylee

If you look closely, I updated the title image of our blog. Our address, for now, will stay the same. We are still unsure of our blog's future. For now, we are living each and every day GRATEFUL and HOPEFUL that we are STILL PREGNANT.

TMI - Molly

Anyone in my immediate family or my husband's family for that matter, would CRINGE at me for writing this. They are a little less "public" about well, everything. If you ask, I will tell you. I wear my heart and probably everything else on my sleeve.

 So the question is....How am I feeling?

Gassy.

I feel like a trucker who ate too many bean burritos.

And today has been the worst. In church, I just wanted to cut the clothes off my body.

Miserable.

And downward dog hasn't helped much.

Even my husband is amazed, well more like appalled. Is this normal???

Flatulence aside, I am feeling pretty good. I am getting enough sleep at night, so naps during the day aren't necessary. I have given into the fact that if I want Taco Bell, I am just going to get Taco Bell. I miss my workouts, but I do realize that I will get back in the yoga room or pool. In fact, our little community pool opens next weekend and I already bought my pass for afternoon lap swims. I can't wait for a swim in the sunshine, even though the idea of getting in a swimsuit right now is what scares me most. My pants are starting to get tight. I find myself unbuttoning my pants in the car, at restaurants, at home, anywhere that I can get away with it. Gaucho pants and Lulu's have been my friend.

We are closing in on 11 weeks this upcoming Wednesday! I have not been 11 weeks in over 3 years. I am still on hormone drugs. PIO shots everyday and 2 doses of Estrace. I return for more blood on Tuesday to see if I can come down a bit lower. They tried to move me to shots every other day, but my progesterone dropped from 72 to 10 (I need to be at least a 20), so back to shots everyday. In fact, no one was home the other day, so I had to go rogue - give myself my own PIO shot in my hip/butt.

I rocked it.

Blood Tuesday, ultrasound Wednesday. Hoping and praying my body kicks in and supplies my much needed hormones so I have end the excess.

Progesterone Update..... Haylee

Results were in yesterday, my progesterone level is a 33.  This is a really good level.  Even though this is a good level Dr. M wants to keep me on progesterone 3 times a day until my next ultrasound & blood check in a week and a half. 

Hope everyone is enjoying a fun and relaxing holiday weekend!

Wow, just wow!!!!! -Haylee

Happy happy Friday!!  As promised an update on today's ultrasound & blood test! 

The ultrasound was very nerve wrecking, but ended up going really well.  We got to see the gestational sac, fetal pole & the heartbeat!  Wow, wow, wow- really crazy stuff.  I am officially 6 weeks and 3 days along & baby has a heart rate of 109. 

My blood work results will not be in until tomorrow morning.  It is MY hope they can take me off (or at least cut back) on the amount of progesterone I am taking each day.  I will also find out what Dr. M wants us to do next.  More than likely this will be another ultrasound in 1 to 2 weeks & more blood.  For now I wait.  You would think I would be really good at this "waiting game" by now, but not so much.

Our IVF nurse said that everything is measuring exactly where it should be, so this is very promising news.  It is becoming much more real now. However, I am still scared as it is early.  I don't like looking at my blood draw receipt and seeing, "Pregnancy- High Risk" circled.  I don't like that I am spotting and it is considered "normal".  However, I do like the possibilities of this miracle.  So I will continue to only let the don't likes enter very quickly and exit as quick.  Oh, and remind myself, "one step at a time". 

More information to come as I have it, hopefully first thing tomorrow.

I will leave you with the first picture ever of our little warrior!

Inside that tiny black blob circle-ish thing (gestational sac) the white dot is little warriors heart beat in bright white!

Good Eats and Updates - Molly

Went in for more blood work today. My estrogen and progesterone levels are starting to control themselves so once again, I got my meds lowered! I will now take my PIO shot EVERY OTHER day. No more suppositories and no more patches! YAY! I will repeat blood work on Thursday to make sure levels are stable. If they are, they will start taking my estrogen pills (Estrace) away from me one by one.

This means I am almost there. It makes me a little nervous, but the doctors have been so good about monitoring me that I am confident if any of my levels were to drop, they would know soon enough to get me stable again.

In other news, my relationship with food has become.......well, interesting. I want what I can't or shouldn't have. For example, I was at Costco today and all I wanted was a hot dog. Or tonight I would kill for some of my friend Caisa's cookie dough - she makes the best dough. Sandwiches (deli meat) sounds amazing and so does salami. Once and a while a sausage biscuit from McDonald's is on my mind.

Sigh. I could have bigger problems I know. Grateful for the small issues. I can deal with these.

I shudder the thought of drinking my fresh squeezed juice (apple, orange, mango, carrot and kale or some other concoction). My daily glass of coconut milk (I need the calcium) makes me want to hurl. I have to choke down my smoothies on the mornings I don't juice and nothing green and leafy even appeals to me.

It's all about comfort, homey goodness. Cheese, potatoes, pasta....oh my! I want grilled cheese (made with Velveeta), baked potatoes with cheese on top, cheese sticks, gnocchi, pasta salads, french fries, McDonald's hash browns, salt and vinegar chips - and yes, cookie dough.

So tonight I am spoiling myself. I am making EGGLESS COOKIE DOUGH. Thanks to a recipe from my good friend Candice, it is dough that you can only eat, not bake. Perfect.

bakes potato with cheese and bbq sauce - lunch!

I hope it is as good as it seems in my mind.

Recipe:

2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
1 T vanilla
4 T milk

Add chips, oats - anything you want.

Mix and enjoy!

going to roll into balls and chill!

What were your cravings or adversions???

Year of the Dragon - Molly

Has everyone caught their breath after Haylee's AMAZING, EXCITING news!? Here's to wishing (and hoping and praying) the best for her and Joe. So excited to be sharing more of this experience with her!

This is the Year of the Dragon

Actually, the Chinese New Year runs 22 January 2012 – 9 February 2013. So looks like Haylee and I will both be having baby dragons.

The Dragon is the luckiest year in the Chinese Zodiac.

Characteristics of the Dragon:

• Innovative
• Enterprising
• Flexible
• Self-assured
• Brave
• Passionate
• Conceited
• Tactless
• Scrutinizing
• Unanticipated
• Quick-tempered
• Magnanimous
• Vigorous
• Passionate (fiery)
• Artistic
• Proud (noble)
• Direct
• Loyal
• Generous
• Empathetic
• Intellectual 
• Arrogant
• Brash
• Demanding
• Intolerant
 

Okay, so lots of good traits and some negative ones (but I will take it).  

They even have a list of jobs that Dragons would be good at:

DRAGONS MAKE EXCELLENT:

• Computer analysts
• Inventors
• Engineers
• Architects
• Lawyers
• Philosophers
• Psychoanalysts
• Brokers
• Managers
• Sales Person
• PR People
• Advertising agents
• Officers in the armed forces
• Campaigners
• Politicians

I would be quite pleased if our kid ended up as any one of those, except maybe a philosopher (that would make me crazy!).

HEALTH

Dragons take thrilling risks and burn the candle at both ends so they are fortunate to be blessed with good health. Among the most hearty of the Animal signs, they can suffer bad health as a result of stress. Symptoms of their personalities often stem from emotional outbursts and can range from tension headaches to depression to hypertension. Dragons can remedy these problems by maintaining their cool, implementing a routine in their daily lives, and utilizing exercises such as yoga or tai kwon do that soothe the mind and spirit as well as tone the body.

AT HOME WITH THE DRAGON

Not the most domesticated of the Animal signs, Dragons and may be more content out and about rather than at home. Nevertheless, with their imagination and artistic sense, they can enjoy decorating their home or anywhere else where their extravagance can be expressed. A Dragon's home should be as large and majestic as his personality, providing space for the fiery temperament or emotional eruptions that accompany their character.

THE DRAGON AT WORK

The Dragon's originality is the most impressive and outstanding of all his characteristics. The Dragon is quite imaginative and always able to see new paths where others may run into brick walls. Dragons are very adaptable and are fit for various occupations, especially if those occupations allow him to take the limelight. In any of these occupational situations, the Dragons will take a radical approach. Dragons work hard, but would rather give orders than receive them. They should avoid jobs that encompass too much routine, and should move toward jobs in which their self-reliance can be an asset.

FINANCE AND THE DRAGON

Dragons like to spend money and are charitable themselves as well as with others. They do not know the meaning of the word "accumulate," and making money does not intrigue them as it may others. Many Dragons will take big chances with their finances, sometimes betting on their shirt and losing it right off of their backs. Yet, they were born with the Midas Touch, and it very rare that a Dragon remains poor for long. Dragons will always be straightforward in financial dealings and can always be trusted. 

Pretty interesting stuff!
Every year is a different animal and it rotates through every 12 years. Within each year an element is added; water, earth, wood, fire and metal.

This year the element attached to the Dragon is WATER.

THE WATER DRAGON 1952 AND 2012

Water has a calming effect on the Dragon's fearless temperament. Water allows the Dragon to re-direct its enthusiasm, and makes him more perceptive of others. These Dragons are better equipped to take a step back to re-evaluate a situation because they understand the art of patience and do not desire the spotlight like other Dragons. Therefore, they make smart decisions and are able to see eye-to-eye with other people. However, their actions can go wrong if they do not research or if they do not finish one project before starting another. 

HERE'S TO OUR BABY DRAGONS!

 

More information on Year of the Dragon or other Chinese Zodiacs 

I can't belive this!!! - Haylee

To honor and stay true to the open book policy Molly and I have created with our blog I have big news to tell you all even though I could have kept it a secret.  ha ha

We got the biggest surprise of our life yesterday when I took a pregnancy test and it was positive (yes, you are reading that right).  Trust me, as I was taking it I asked myself, "why do you keep wasting time & money". 

Much to my surprise when I saw "YES" I almost passed out, then I almost vomited, cried, couldn't breathe- then I repeated.  Same thing again.  Holy shit. 

I called Joe to tell him (I could barely talk- he also couldn't believe it and was so excited) then immediately put a call into my IVF nurse and awaited her call back with direction.  I was a mess.
She sent me for blood work (this is the only way to really know) to test my HcG & Progesterone levels.

The day couldn't have gone any slower.  I felt like I was in a dream (not gonna lie, I still do).  What is happening here?!  How could this be? 

FINALLY a call back from my IVF nurse with the results & Dr. M's instructions-  4:30ish- it is all a blur.  My HcG level was exactly where it should be, however progesterone was low.  She started me on Endometrin last night and I will continue to take this 3 times a day until my ultrasound & blood check on Friday, 5/25.  Hopefully the Endometrin will get my progesterone levels where they need to be.

I am still in haze of emotions and feelings.  I mean after all this time & fertility?  What about our freezer kids?  What about the fact that this is so early?  Something could go wrong?  What if there is nothing in there?  What will I do if this or that or whatever?  I could go on and on and on.  My husband said to me last night "I am going to tattoo on you 'One Step At A Time'" (because, duh,  I was having a freak out).

Those of you who know me well know I don't do one step at a time.  I am a planner.  I am a multi-tasker, thinker, worker.  I want things to be "just so".

I really thought about what he said & it is so true.  For now, I promise to my husband to try & be much better at "One Step At A Time".

Happy Friday All (have a glass of wine for me) haha!

Reassurance Appointments - Molly

I had my first "reassurance appointment" today. Basically, anytime (as many times as I want) I get a little "anxious" I can call my perinatologist and they will squeeze me in for a quickie ultrasound. So today, with the lack of nausea, I called in. All I needed was a little look at the flutter of the heart and I was good to go. Closing in on 9 weeks now, still seems like there is SO long to go until the fun really starts happening. 

On Wednesday I will lower my meds once again. Two patches of estrogen and 1 suppository of progesterone in the pm, 1mL shot of PIO in the am and 3 doses of Estrace (estrogen). On Friday I will give blood again to see if my levels can stabilize themselves. I have got to get my meds under control by the end of the first trimester. 

Otherwise I am feeling fine and for that, I am grateful. We are in the middle of a bathroom remodel, so my sanity is being tested. Luckily, we do have a second bathroom, but it is upstairs. My multiple pees in the middle of the night are a bit more difficult. 

Three weeks. I can bear it for 3 weeks. 

Oprah Said It Best - Molly

Today I received my first Mother's Day gift.

I was laying in bed, feeling nauseated and trying to write a good blog post when my husband came in with a small box. He said he just couldn't wait any longer.

I opened the box and discovered a beautiful necklace.

thanks Clare for helping him out!

Jason had put together a necklace with a lotus flower (I am a yoga teacher), a bird in flight (we have been waiting to build our "nest") and a December Tanzanite birthstone (our baby's month of birth).

I was in tears. It was such a thoughtful gift from him, and the fact that he spent the time to put it all together, meant even more. 

Mother's Day has never been my favorite holiday. It usually is a day that has brought on a lot of tears, wishful thinking and hurt feelings. Last year, I was greeted at church with, "Oh, I can't wish you Happy Mother's Day, you are not a mother." 

So yes, I have had some ill feelings about Mother's Day and I am sure many of you out there feel or have felt the same way.

So tonight, as I sit here admiring my beautiful, sweet (and undeserved) gift - it makes me want to reassure all the women out there that WE ARE ALL MOTHERS.

Having or not having kids does not define who you are or what you are. WE ARE ALL MOTHERS. 

Whether your kids are on are this Earth or in Heaven, on two legs or 4, are nieces, nephews or neighbors - WE ARE ALL MOTHERS.

And we need to be celebrated everyday, because being a mother is hard. 

When you are a mother, you love someone or something unconditionally. You give more of yourself than you get in return and you put someone or something else before yourself. Not to mention the messes you clean up, the lack of sleep and the feelings of being unappreciated.

WE ARE ALL MOTHERS. 

So Happy Mother's Day to all of you amazing women out there. Celebrate your mom's but also celebrate YOURSELF because you deserve it.

So thanks Oprah, for reminding us all.....

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.  ~Oprah Winfrey

Hi & Happy Hump Day! ---Haylee

Hi everyone (did the subject line get your attention)!? 

First and foremost I want to apologize for being completely silent lately.  I just figured since Molly has all the excitement going on I would let her take center stage. 

It was only after I got some feedback from one of my friends a couple weeks ago that I realized what I was doing was not necessarily the best thing as a "co owner" of a blog.  She reminded me that readers (including herself) still want to hear from me even if it is just about my weekend.  She made other great points, so here you go- I AM BACK!  I will do my best to update say once a week or so.  I do have to say I have missed you all and love the support you have given Molly through these last few weeks. 

Here is a really cool story from last weekend I wanted to share.... 

I had a baby shower to attend last Saturday.  Though I LOVE my friend it was for, baby showers just aren't that comfortable for me.  Actually, they give me hot flashes and make me cry.  This one by far was one of the most classy baby shower set ups I have seen to date, it was beautiful!  Not to mention my friend was beautiful as well.  You would never know she was pregnant from the back - she is all cute belly & glowing face. 

As I dealt with my hot flashes and drank mimosa's lots of different conversations started amongst the group.  Before I had to leave one specific conversation had started between myself, a old coworker and one of my friends friends.  We were talking about how everyone is pregnant and there must be something in the water.  ha ha  Then, I was asked "do you want to have kids" (I think at this point I was saying something flip about kids being a pain in the ass trying to "protect" myself - aka, not cry & ease the hot flashes). 

The answer to that question rolled off my lips quickly "we just went through our first round of IVF".  And much to my surprise I saw her face immediately softened, her eyes got a little watery and she smiled & said "me too".  I got chills, I almost cried, my hot flashes went away- it was so cool!!  Right at that moment I knew why I was there (besides just being there for my friend).  It was to meet her friend that has an amazing story on her journey of having a baby as well. 

We talked about our stories, the blog & quite a few other things.  It was great.  She is set for her transfer on May 18th.  If you have time to send out some good juju & sticky vibes for this lovely lady that would be really nice.

Happy Hump Day friends, it is nice to be back!

Update! Second Ultrasound - Molly

Sorry to be so MIA this past week. We traveled to Utah with some friends and celebrated my 34th birthday. The big 34 was not so scary though. Lots of good things happening this year. So I embraced it well, celebrated with some good friends and enjoyed some time out of town.

I had a second ultrasound today to check in on the small bleed and to see if Bat #2 was coming along at all.

Ultrasound confirmed (to the doctors at least) that Bat #2 will be absorbed by my body. Bat #1 is nice and strong with a heartbeat of 164!

We are ecstatic! We would have loved twins, but in the end, having one is such a blessing. This will be one loved little kid!

I am measuring on time - tomorrow I hit 8 weeks! Seems like we have come so far, yet we still have so far to go!

I am still banned from working out. Walking at a easy pace is my M.O for a while, but that's fine with me. Anything to get through this trimester into the second with the most success. I will get into shape later.

The doctors are starting to slowly wean me off the progesterone and estrogen! YAY! I am now down to 1cc a day of PIO (shot), moving from 3 suppositories to 2 of progesterone and backing off of 4 patches every other day to 3 patches.  I have to give more blood on Friday to check out my levels to see if the weaning isn't affecting things too much. Each week they will back off a bit more, check my blood and hopefully my body kicks in to fill in the gaps.

I am battling some nausea, but mostly at night, along with a little indigestion and heartburn. BRING IT ON! I am not really fatigued at all, but I do get 10+ a night, so again, no complaints.

There is still a small bleed around Bat #1, where the sac is separated from the uterine wall. It is very slight so the doctors are not necessarily concerned. They say is can be very common.

I have my first visit to my perinatologist tomorrow, so more paperwork to be filled out. YAY!

Again, no complaints here. 34, 2012 - these are my years.

sharing the bday love with my friend Adrian

my bday sign - by Beck